


Of Gods and Monsters

by Luce_cm



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Magic, F/M, Flashbacks, I suppose, I'm Sorry, Language, Magic, Memory Loss, Rating May Change, Sloooooow Burn, Warnings May Change, Well - Freeform, don't I?, established relationship (sort of), here it is, seriously, the slowest of burns, tho I sound like Steve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-09-10 19:29:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 29,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8933971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luce_cm/pseuds/Luce_cm
Summary: Almost a thousand years ago, a young goddess by the name of Sayeh stumbled upon the Asgardian court, collecting a favor from her mother and becoming The Queen's own apprentice. Gifted with a dark spectre of magic, her skills were hunted within and outside the Asgardian Palace, and yet her loyalty always belonged to her husband, the God of Chaos himself, Loki.However, that is the end of the legend whispered among servants and scholars. There has been no trace of Sayeh or her magic on neither of the Realms in over five hundred years.That is, until a woman with warm eyes and mischevious smile presents herself in a library in Norway, giving a clueless girl news on a dead god she knew nothing of, a severed bridge she never truly thought existed, and a life she had forgotten.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything except for my original characters.  
> To this story I kind of stretched the timeline a little, meaning almost five weeks passed between Loki stealing the Tesseract and the attack on Germany. He spends at least a week inside the ship before Barton locates and rescues him, and so on. I need time for the shenanigans to take place, hehe  
> Check me out on Tumblr if you want (@I-cant-believe-its-not-a-writer) or Pinterest, I have a board especially for this story (@Luuce_CM)

“Nour, you are not coming with me.” Sayeh growled, and shoved the black cat back onto her sister’s arms.

“You need me there.”

“I need you safe. And I’m not sure even I am, so you have to stay here, and _lay low._ ” She ordered, and turned her back at the young woman with brilliant blonde hair once more.

But Nour pressed on, and followed her out of the room.

“I am not talking about safety, sister. I’m talking about the toll this will take on you. You haven’t…” Nour sighed, and looked down, finally finishing in a whisper, “things are not the same.”

“Don’t you think I know that? Nour, I was as frozen in time as you were, I was as lost as you were! The only difference is that _you think me weak_.”

“I think you human, Sayeh!” Nour screamed back, and an ebony dagger flew past her when the raven haired woman turned back at her. Silver eyes piercing into hers, Nour took a step back when her sister stepped forwards.

“I am not human. I am Sayeh Aren, only Heir of House Aren from Vanaheim. I _will_ endure this, because I can, because I have to.”

“It’s not your duty to save him.”

She smiled sadly, and turned her back at her sister once again. Her Dark magic surrounded her, and threatened to take over as she summoned it to teleport herself.

“I made a promise long ago, Nour. I shall extinguish the flames or burn with him, if that is what waits for us ahead.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                    -º-º-

She had been living within the metal walls of SHIELD’s ship for weeks now, and the…stillness of it all was driving her crazy.

Don’t mistake her, she was used to Midgardians, had lived among them for half a millennia, but…their energy, the energy of the soldiers and agents there was crippled, tense, as if waiting for a breeze to fall over the edge.

 _It is a matter of time_ , they kept saying, but Sayeh had seen enough time fly by, and knew by experience time does not mean motion, not on itself. Something was about to blow up, a few idols would fall soon, but wasn’t that human history in a nutshell?

No, it wasn’t a matter of _when_ it would happen, but of _how._

She rushed when the tearing on the veil separating the realms was broken, she rushed as fast as she could to wherever she felt the light energy break.

But she wasn’t fast enough.

The Tesseract was gone, and so was Loki.

And she was left waiting for the next attack, the next move on this great chess game of his.

So wait she did.

Luckily, the name she had forged for herself by working as an occasional mercenary and spy granted her a phone call and a small interview with a high-rank agent with a gentle smile and warm brown eyes. She was now part of the group of specialized agents SHIELD hired during this…emergency.

They couldn’t let all the weight fall on the ever-so-unstable Avengers, right?

So, at least Natasha was here. And Clint, but…she kind of missed him, with the whole Asgardian-God-taking-over-his-mind and everything, but still.

“Up for a sparring match?” A voice called from behind her, and Sayeh turned around with a rueful smile on her lips.

“I’m going to end up as a walking bruise if you keep up burning out the anxiety over Clint’s kidnapping with exercise, Nat.”

“Am I hearing you complaining? Because…” Natasha started, lifting carefully an eyebrow; but Sayeh interrupted her before some secret she would rather keep in the back of her mind came back. Natasha had that about her, always reminding people of the embarrassing mistakes they had once made.

Once a spy, always a spy, right?

“I’m not. Just making clear that if I end up useless by the time we do get our hands back on the Tesseract, you are to blame.”

“I’ll have that on mind.”

They walked together to one of the farthest rooms of the ship, and changed their tactical gear to more comfortable clothing. Sayeh tied her long black hair into a messy ponytail, and kicked off her high-heeled boots while Natasha took of her jacket and folded it neatly before placing it on a nearby chair, and took off her combat boots, putting them next to it as well.

“You know,” Natasha mused, stretching. “You never did tell me where you were trained.”

Sayeh smiled, shaking her head.

_“Don’t dodge, dammit!”_

_“What am I supposed to do if you shoot fireballs at me, you…?” She started, but pursed her lips and clenched her jaw before the insult could leave her mouth. She was raised by a noble, after all, and some habits die hard._

_“Shall I leave you time to think of a proper title, dear?” Loki asked, smiling deviously at her, and purposely making her frown._

_“Just ready your stance, my Prince.” Sayeh hissed, rising her hands and summoning the Dark Magic to her aid._

_“As you wish.”_

“It matters not.” She answered simply, prompting the spy to narrow her eyes.

“When I ask about your past, you…you speak as if you had been born three hundred years ago.”

Sayeh chuckled.

_More like two thousand, more or less._

“Maybe I was, and this is just a vessel for the Desire Demon I truly am.” The black-haired girl answered back, earning a smile from Natasha.

After half an hour of sparring, an agent knocked on the door, and informed Sayeh of an urgent message waiting for her. With a smile and a promise of rain-check on the training to Natasha, she followed Hill through the halls.

“Do you know who sends this message?” She asked, and the brown-haired woman nodded once.

“One of your contacts in Europe, or that’s how he identified himself. We did a background check, and he is apparently one of the agents who worked with you back when NILAM was still standing.”

Sayeh nodded in acknowledgment, and thanked the heavens once more for her sister’s quick understanding of human networks, that granted them a web of communications that SHIELD, though wary of, wouldn’t directly hack, due to their previous allegiance with the inexistent organization of NILAM.

That’s how she and Nour exchanged information when she was away, with her sister investigating carefully and methodically, and then sending the data through a ‘former agent’ of NILAM to her; giving Sayeh the chance to choose whether to give her temporary superiors the information or not.

They left her alone in a room, and handed her an untraceable computer.

_DS: I’m here._

_DL: Good, here I was wondering if you had already burnt them to the ground._

_DS: Not yet. What do you have for me?_

_DL: That sounded kinky. Why don’t you save that kind of language for our rampant stray God, eh?_

_DS: Nour…_

_DL: Fine. You get grumpy when hubby attempts to enslave Midgard, did you know that? Anyways, I need you to get to the location I’m going to adjunct to the file I’m sending you with the data on the energy fields that suffered strong enough alterations recently to mean that Thor has arrived._

_DS: Copied. I’ll be there._

_DL: Sayeh, you need to be there by tonight. By whatever means necessary._

_DS: Fine. I’ll be there._

_DL: And Sayeh?_

_DS: Yes?_

_DL: You think Thor will be_ storming _into Midgard soon?_

_DS: …_

_DL: Sayeh?_

                                                                                                                                                                                                    -º-º-

“I still believe I should come with you.” Natasha said, trailing after Sayeh while she loaded a bag with a few clothes and an untraceable phone in the plane and signaled the pilot to get ready.

“And I still believe you have to stay here and shut up about my trip.”

“Fury already knows.”

“Yeah, but…it’s different, Nat. I don’t answer to him, so I call the shots over there. The worst that could happen to me if I get kicked out for doing something stupid is losing my pay. You could lose Clint.” She muttered in response, finally saying something that would make her stop insisting on her needing her help on Stuttgart.

_And I don’t want to have to choose between the life I have and the one I used to have. Not yet._

Also, Sayeh was certain her sister would not send her into a death trap all by herself, so if this were dangerous, someone, maybe some trained mercenary or brainwashed soldier, would be having her back.

“Fine, you’re right. But send word if you need me there.”

She nodded, and boarded the plane.

Of to Germany then.

                                                                                                                                                                                                    -º-º-

Well, apparently Sayeh now was signed for a seminary on molecular medicine that took place in Stuttgart University, and was staying in an elegant hotel near the city centre.

Her sister truly thought about everything, didn’t she?

Still, she didn’t know yet _why_ she was in Germany. Nour hadn’t sent any more information on the subject, but she seemed too insistent on her sister arriving before nightfall to be following idle traces.

Sayeh dropped her bag on the floor and studied her room. Nice, greatly illuminated and with a neat decoration that complemented the pastel-colored walls perfectly.

Sayeh noted a small piece of paper lying in one of the nearby tables. Picking it up, she read:

_Gala at the City’s main Square. Tonight, at eight. Your name, Dr. Galaghan, should be enough to get in._

_Wear a dress. I mean it._

_And wear a dress that is not_ green _, for fuck’s sake. Low key, remember?_

_Huh, I just read that aloud._

_Low-key._

_Heh. Sorry._

With a chuckle, Sayeh let down her sister’s small letter and swept her eyes over the room once again. It was perfect for a young doctor, and perfectly organized and cleaned. Perfect.

Still, something about it made her uncomfortable.

“ _I’m_ what’s off here, hon.” A voice called from behind her, and Sayeh gasped and turned towards it raising an ebony dagger she created with her powers at the intruder, before she realized who it was.

“You are not supposed to be here.”

“No shit. But, again, you need me here, because this is bigger than any of us thought it would be.” Nour said, to which her sister lifted a dark eyebrow and cocked her head to the side.

“Remember how we literally brought down an entire army of undead, dear?”

“This is worse, Sayeh. Way worse.” Nour insisted, not moved by her sister’s light teasing. This put Sayeh on edge, and made her walk towards the girl with the blonde hair and cerulean eyes.

She met Nour by the time almost three centuries had passed since her father had left her on that crowded market, deciding to run away from the child with the powers of the Shadow; when Sayeh fought alongside Vanir warriors against the Warlock Marauders, a group of powerful wizards that attempted to take over one of their strongest forts. Her sister was fighting with them, and she was exactly like the legends say the Daughter of Light should be. With the unsurprisingly long and blonde hair and the cerulean eyes, with the warm skin and the innocent smile.

Sayeh, on the other hand, was her opposite, with the straight ebony hair and the silver eyes, with the pale skin and a smile made for war.

Nour carried the powers of Light, and wields all sorts of white magic, the one that belongs to life. Sayeh wielded dark magic, the kind that brings death on its wake.

They fought, outside that fort. Darkness and Light. Sayeh succeeded, but she believed only because her sister was not trained for war. Afterwards, when Nour was locked in the dungeons like the other survivors, they talked and…well, they are not exactly welcome in Vanaheim anymore.

Seven centuries ago, when Sayeh had left Asgard and arrived to Midgard, she had done so with her. They had lived as sisters for almost a millennia now, and when Frigga sent the message to Sayeh that explained what had happened with the Bifrost and Loki’s fall, it was her sister the one who understood first, the one who got her memories of that realm of Gods and Monsters before she did.

Never, in all their time together, Sayeh has seen her sister scared of anything. Wary, anxious, yes, but never scared.

And now the crude fear shines in Nour’s cerulean eyes.

“Is he…What has happened to him?” Sayeh questioned, carefully, almost as if she were scared to hear the actual answer.

“I know not. But…there’s traces of a magic older and much more powerful than ours on his wake, Sayeh. Whatever it is…it’s not something we, or the Midgardians for that fact, are ready to fight.”

“We’re following your lead, the…whatever clue you found. We are laying down a plan from what happens _then_ , and not whatever powers we perceive around us.” Sayeh growled back, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes. She was going to ignore whatever her sister was trying to imply, because…she was honestly not strong –or sane- enough to try and understand it.

“You saw the Dark Magic that those wizards back in Asgard tried to summon once, the one beyond your control. You know th…”

“I know he’s walking out of this one, and so are we. By whatever means necessary, Nour.”

“He may not be there, anymore. He may not even be alive, sister.”

No.

She refused to believe that.

She would…know, right? If he were truly gone, she would notice, she…something, she would feel something.

No.

She had refused to believe Frigga and her testimonies back then and she refused to believe her sister and the information her magic gave her now.

Sayeh turned back to the door, and whispered:

“I’ll be at the gala tonight, Nour. Whether you are there or not, I will have my chance at finding him.”


	2. Chapter 2

In a handful of seconds, the world seemed to turn upside down.

People were running, pushing each other in order to get out faster, and Nour kept pulling at her sister’s hand to make her move faster. The stupid golden dress around her body made her stumble at every few steps, though she blamed the God walking lusciously, as if strolling through an interesting museum or gallery instead of quietly taking over the place.

“Keep moving,” Nour growled at her sister, and they finally made it out, to the elegantly decorated gardens in front of the building. “We have to get out of here before he notices us. Or you, specifically.”

Sayeh frowned at her sister’s words, but followed her orders and slipped her way between the sea of people around them, the people that were stupidly being caged by the Trickster’s illusions.

“There. Those are illusions.” Sayeh pointed, and guided her sister towards the copy of the man guilty of terrifying those people, so they could escape while they kept themselves away from his eyesight.

“How do you still identify them?”

_“What’s the problem, dear?” Frigga questioned, and the girl in question dropped her hands, that were practicing under her teacher’s orders a basic control of the crystals her magic provided, and turned to the Queen._

_“The proper answer would be: ‘I’m still amazed at my luck at finding such a teacher, my Queen, please forgive me if I seem distracted’, but I’m assuming that’s not the answer you were expecting.”_

_“Not from you, dear,” The woman answered patiently, and nodded at the silver-eyed girl in encouragement. “Tell me.”_

_“I’ve been practicing_ this _for months now. I just…I’m…” Sayeh stopped, her voice dying as she searched for the word. When several seconds passed and she found no substitute, her teacher provided:_

_“Bored, dear girl. You are bored.”_

_This prompted Sayeh to wrinkle her nose in confusion. Frigga contained a small laugh at the girl’s utter lack of understanding of boredom. Being raised by Sera Aren, that was to be expected, though._

_“Am I?”_

_“Yes, you are. Let’s agree to something. If you manage to build an accurate replica of that sculpture,” She pointed at a grand ivory statue of a woman pouring water from a basin into the water, “with your ebony shards, I will make sure you train with one of my sons tomorrow.”_

_Sayeh grinned, and bowed to the Queen as acceptance of the challenge, narrowing her eyes at the statue, before stopping and turning her head once more to her teacher._

_“If I manage to copy her exact features, I want to spar with the wizard.” She stated, and Frigga hid a small smile before nodding._

_Sayeh lifted her foot from the ground, moved her hands in front of her and closed her eyes._

_When she opened them, not only did she find a perfectly carved replica of said sculpture, but also a representation on stiff ebony of the bushes and flowers surrounding it where it lay a few meters away from them._

_With a slightly childish giggle, the Daughter of the Shadow crouched and picked a single black rose made of brilliant ebony, braided it into her hair, and turned to the Queen._

_“I’ll be here at dawn, my Queen.”_

_The next morning Sayeh all but jumped out of her bed, and found herself slightly surprised when not only her teacher and Loki were waiting for her in the training grounds, but also Thor, a few of his friends, and, if she saw that figure in the shadows correctly –and she did, she was not the Daughter of the Shadow for nothing- so did the Allfather._

_Refusing to let the audience intimidate her, she stepped towards Frigga and her son. Still she saw on everyone’s faces the amusement, the curiosity and slight pity they had towards her._

_In her childish enthusiasm to train with someone other than her teacher, she failed to notice that, as no one talked to her since she moved into the Palace, they all believed her to be a pompous noble girl with the right influence to convince the Queen to train her and nothing more._

_They believed her to be a child and nothing more. Not a Shadow, not a master enchantress. Not a match for the Trickster God._

_Huh. She smiled, and made sure to keep the childish smile on her face until she saw the first mistake on the Prince’s stance. He underestimated her, and attempted to unbalance her too fast._

_Loki set his jaw and stared up at her, his back to the ground and her smiling face, now far from childish, staring back at him._

_“You can hold you ground,” He hissed, standing up. “Why pretend otherwise?”_

_“I pretended nothing._ You _assumed I was weak,” Sayeh answered, and stepped back from the Prince, readying here stance once more. “I advise you not to do so again.”_

_He didn’t._

_Next time they paused the sparring for talking, Sayeh hanged from a nearby balcony by her leg, her scowl almost comical with her turned upside down._

_“I will see you at dinner, my Lady.” Loki bowed, with a cynical grin left the courtyard._

_The same night, the girl from Nidavellir had dinner in the main room instead of her quarters for the first time. Sitting next to the scary-looking but kind warrior, Sif, she counted the seconds in her head._

_Three, two, one…_

_The vines made of shadow reached for the Prince at her command. But when one of the tails was about to trap his ankle, like he did to her, the Prince vanished._

_“An illusion.” She growled, mostly to herself, as everyone else in the room was oblivious to the shadow vine only she could see, but everyone would be able to feel if she wished so._

_“You are predictable, darling,” He said from behind her and handed her a black ebony rose. “You will have to learn to identify my illusions if I am to train you.”_

“I’m used to it.” Sayeh muttered in response to her sister’s question, but when they neared the illusion Loki’s voice ringed through the place.

They froze, and prayed to a God they did not know to be invisible for once.

“Hide us.” Nour hissed, but Sayeh shook her head.

“He’ll feel my magic, even from a distance.”

Her sister cursed under her breath, and Sayeh got pulled down by Nour when her sister followed the example of the Midgardians and knelt on the ground. Anger boiled through Sayeh’s body, but she kept it under control. For now, at least.

“You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.” Loki stated, silencing the sisters. Sayeh clenched her jaw and fought to keep her magic under control.

“Stay. Down.” Nour growled in her ear, grabbing her forearm with enough strength to bruise.

Sayeh saw an old man standing up, slowly, as Loki finished his speech. The way Loki looked at him…the same stare a bloodthirsty feline sets on its prey.

Sayeh’s blood froze, and as her husband pointed the scepter at the man, she reacted and raised a shield in front of him to protect him from whatever energy the scepter irradiated.

But her actions were luckily overlooked as the man she heard people referring to as Captain America dropped from the sky in front of the old man and deflected the blow.

People started running again, desperate for safety, and Sayeh felt someone grab her by the shoulders and bring her down to the ground, pinning her with her back to the cold stone.

“Stay. Down.” Her sister repeated, but this time Sayeh shook her off faster and stood up again, raising an energy camp around her to prevent Nour from stopping her.

He looked…sick, Sayeh noted with barely contained horror.

He looked the same way insane people looked, with wild eyes and a manic certainty; he stood the same way tortured soldiers stood, as if searching desperately to reassure themselves and the world that they have an identity, that they have _control._

She watched in morbid stillness as her husband fought the American hero, and gasped when the sharp end of the scepter ended right besides the Captain’s neck. It was slight, it was almost as fast as a blink, but Sayeh saw the intended movement of Loki’s arm.

Of the arm with the scepter.

“Loki! Stop!” She yelled before the rational part of her brain could realize what a _horrid_ idea it had been.

He froze, and stole a glance to the woman in the golden dress. It was an instant, a flicker of despair and something else; and then it was gone.

The Captain took advantage then, and overpowered the God.

She heard the soft sound of a light metal suit landing in the ground behind her.

“Sayeh, I would say I’m surprised to find you here but…I’m not.” Tony quipped in, taking off the face protection of his suit and smirking at the girl with black tresses falling now out of her once carefully styled hair.

“Well, you looked like you would need my help.”

“We didn’t. I’m here.” He stated, puffing his chest out cheekily and making the young girl hide a small smile. The Captain had accepted Loki’s surrender, and directed orders to a few agents to take the now prisoner away.

Sayeh felt his eyes on her, but refused to cave in. He stared at her without any sort of discretion, eyes fixed solely on her as the agents led him to the inside of the ship.

She was amazed that any of the Midgardians had noticed. Still, even if they had, she mused, not even in their darkest fantasies would they believe her to be the stray spouse of the Norse God of Chaos.

“Are you coming with us?” Tony asked, but Sayeh shook her head. She had to talk with her sister, she had to…try and understand all of what had happened. “Fine. Tie your loose ends and we will send someone to pick you up when you give the word.”

She nodded again, numbly, watching as the heroes departed from Stuttgart’s main square, leaving a few agents to calm people down and guide them to safety.

“Sayeh?” Her sister whispered from behind her.

“He was here. H-He…they said he died but he…Loki was here, Nour,” Sayeh turned to her _sister._ “He’s here, he’s alive.”

“I know, sweetie.”

The events started playing in her head once again, replaying to her growing horror her mistake.

No, no, no.

“I let them take him,” She gasped, “I let them take him!”

“Sayeh, calm down.” Nour ordered when the ebony shards started appearing on her sister’s arms, crawling up her hands her like gauntlets with large claws at the ends.

Nour’s Light magic reached to her sister’s Dark one, on an attempt to contain it, but when Sayeh felt the constraint on her powers, she snapped.

On a rampage of dark smoke, the Shadow disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayeh dissapeared after the Avengers took her husband, where will she go? Will she find him? Is he even there to be found?

_¿…Did you mourn?_

_We all did._

The Dark Magic flew around her, controlling her as much as she controlled it. Following her desires and understanding them better than even she could.

_You come home…_

_I don’t have it._

She repeated the mantra in her head, forcing the Dark Magic back under her control, forcing her nature once more to be suppressed.

Sayeh Aren.

Only Heir of House Aren. Abandoned child of Mer Lucanson. Pupil of Frigga, the Allmother. Wife of Loki, the Trickster God. Nour Merdottir’s sister.

Sayeh Aren, Daughter of the Shadow.

_I remember a shadow…_

Sayeh felt herself land somewhere unknown, guided only by her instincts and her wish to see her husband once more.

As she opened her eyes and let once more the Dark Magic return to under her skin, she recognized the heavy forest she lay in, and the acutely distant sounds of a fight.

Then, a huge blast swept over the trees, a few miles away from where Sayeh stood but still close enough for her to feel the expansive way of a blow caused by a strength she knew well.

Thor.

“Tony, please tell me you didn’t piss off my brother in law.” She muttered under her breath, and with one last roll of her eyes, she leaped to the air, changing herself into a owl –she considered ravens, but went against it- Sayeh took flight and in seconds she was overlooking the consequences of Thor’s attack on the Tony and the upcoming arrival of the Captain, if what she had heard from the ship was correct. Sayeh would have rolled her eyes, would she had been in her human form. Men, no matter the Realm, seemed to enjoy going to battle without knowing it’s not them who win the war.

And then Odin’s loyal informants flew past her, an almost unified cry torn out of both the crows’ throats.

 _Of course you would send your servants here, my King._ Sayeh thought with a snarl, _You would not miss your chance at gloating in your son’s failure._

Sayeh then let herself fall, turning back to her more…human form before landing a few steps behind Loki, who seemed to be watching the fight with amusement.

The magic she had felt while at Stuttgart was still lingering in the air, the odd demeanor about the God’s energy still nagging at her own; but it was…dulled, as if it were only a trace of it, a loose tie with a darker power than even her own.

_The scepter._

Before the thought could seed in her mind, though, Sayeh was thrown off her feet, her back colliding with cold and hard stone.

Standing up, but still staying close to the rock, she faced her husband, who strolled in her direction, now seemly oblivious to the fight taking place a few meters away from them.

“ _What_ are you?” Loki hissed, in a frighteningly animal tone, and Sayeh had to swallow down her apprehension before answering.

“Dark magic embodied? Daughter of the Shadow? Ring any bells?” She croaked, but he kept staring at her as if two more words would earn her a missing body part, so she silently raised a ward around her. He would never hurt her, she knew, but _he_ wasn’t here. But, she continued speaking still. “I know it has been a while, but I would be kind of offended if you forgot about almost nine hundred years. Well, considering the last five hundred, I shou…”

“If your master wanted an informant to assure himself that I would complete my task, he could have sent you in another form,” Loki growled, interrupting her, setting his jaw, and then releasing a weak huff of what one day would have been laughter. “I assumed he was above such petty tricks.”

“You think me an illusion? Loki, I’m Say…” She started, but once again was deprived of breath when her back once more hit the rock, this time more forcefully.

“ _Don’t you dare say her name_.” He threatened, a cold hand on her throat, squeezing too tight for her to breathe properly. But even before she had the chance to raise her magic and call it to her aid, Loki let her go and stepped back from her form as if she had actually attacked him.

“What…?” She started, confused and taking a step ahead without noticing. Though, his eyes were for once not on hers, but on her neck.

On her necklace, specifically.

On the golden chain and the circular locket of sparkling emerald and an intricate snake of gold twisted above it.

On his wedding gift to her.

“You…y-you didn’t have that before.” He muttered, almost to himself. The girl in front of him frowned, and, as if unconsciously, raised her hand in between them, ready to call her magic to them once again.

_“Your magic, it is said to refer only to runes and such enchantments. There is always some truth behind legends, Sayeh.” Frigga stated waltzing into Sayeh’s room, apparently following a train of thought that she was supposed to know about, prompting the girl to lift her gaze from the book she was reading._

_“You believe I could use runes to enhance my power.” Sayeh reasoned._

_“I believe it is a possibility that words and enchantments can be bound to it, yes.”_

_The Shadow hummed in response, considering her teacher’s words. Her sister was heard yelping from the other side of the door. She too, believed it normal to break into someone’s quarters mid afternoon._

_“And canalize it, like a mechanical system. Exactly, that is possible!” Nour said, already transporting herself back to her sister’s side, showing her a book on ancient devices. “There are, actually, several writings on runes and ‘Words of Power’ that refer to galdr, sister.”_

_Sayeh took Nour’s book and looked at the page her sister marked, but she was interrupted by her fiancé’s voice breaking into the silence that had taken over the three women._

_“Have you heard what…?” Loki stopped upon noticing his surroundings, and eyed Nour and his mother carefully._

_“I don’t know if I should tell him not to teleport himself into my room or you two not to break into it.” Sayeh mused, a sly smile on her lips. Loki answered with a small smile of his own, and sat next to her on her sofa and peered over her shoulder to look at the book in her hands._

_“Runes?” Loki questioned on Sayeh’s ear, and the girl answered with a light shrug as the God placed his chin over her shoulder._

_“My sister believes it may help control the Shadow.” She whispered back, but was interrupted by said sister._

_“No need to fret over me, I will never do that again, because that…” Nour signaled at the space near her sister’s window where Loki had appeared out of thin air, “could have been condemningly more_ private _, and I am honestly not ready for that._

_Nour earned huff of laughter from her sister, and after a few instants of silence, continued on,_

_“Though, I would not judge if you two actually are into that sort of ordeal, I just think it would be…ill advised for me to…be a part of it. In fact, I have read that…”_

_“Nour, dear,” Frigga interrupted the babbling blonde, “The enchantments, you were saying.”_

_“Oh, yes, there are certain words that can be linked to a…”_

Sayeh’s lips parted to let the ancient word she and Loki had found could enhance her powers at her will out, but a hand on her raised wrist stopped her.

“Don’t,” He warned, but keeping still his clasp on her wrist, stepped closer to the girl. His blue –wrongly blue, only a hint of the vibrant green she had known once- eyes studied her. Her face, her eyes, her _necklace_. Sayeh remained silent, though her core begged her to speak, to divert his undivided attention from her and to her words. Just as she was about to break, Loki wet his lips and whispered, in a mix of horror and awe, “…Sayeh?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Whose power did you think they used to bring to Earth hammer guy over there?” She snickered, though albeit nervously, and prayed for a smile that did not come. Reaching for him with her free hand, Sayeh brushed her thumb carefully over the bags under his eyes, “Where have you been?”

At either her words or her touch, she couldn’t tell, Loki’s expression hardened once more, and whatever progress she had accomplished she saw crumble in front of her eyes.

Letting go of her hand with rudeness, he stepped back once more, and showed her the same smile he showed the nobles back at the palace, the irreverent peasants or the idiotic warriors that paraded themselves in front of the royal family. The same smile he had sworn would never be directed to her.

Then again, she had also promised to never leave him, so promises did not mean much anymore.

“I could ask you the same, _Shadow_.”

And that was the thing about loving someone, about letting someone in. They could either save or destroy you, with no other power than the one you had granted them.

And if anyone knew how to hurt her, it was Loki.

“That is _not_ my name.” Sayeh hissed, clenching her fists at her sides. A thousand memories flew through her mind, and a dark cyclone of smoke formed at her feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In those three seconds after Tom's line 'I remember a Shadow' where both Loki and THor stay silent and stare at each other, I came up with this whole story. Kind of a fun-fact, Idk, just wanted you to know.  
> Bye, and thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

_“They say long ago, in ages before yours or mine, a woman refused the path the Norns imposed her, rejected their protection and defied them to take her life, were they to be truly the watchers of us all. She was powerful, more powerful than any siedr wielder because she, in her heresy, had found a deeper source of power: the gladr. It was not the art of runes it is said to be, but the mastery of the extensions of reality and power that even siedr wielders cannot reach. It was such a great strength, such supremacy of the worlds that soon she was consumed by it. She passed soon after her discovery, and was cursed by the Norns accordingly._

_However, she had released the power of galdr over the realms, so now she would be the one to pursue its control. This enchantress was then cursed to become the essence of power she had longed to be in life, and be born in the form of a curse, always in the body of a woman, that would have to be fought and suppressed in order to allow survival._

_So, she became the Shadow, and whoever bore her power, her Daughter.”_

“Is it not, truly?” He taunted, malicious glint on his eyes. “Because we both know this is not your true form, dear.”

“It is. Darkness does not control me anymore,” Sayeh stated, raising her chin like her mother had taught her to. “Can you say the same, my Prince?”

Loki opened his mouth to answer her, but something caught his eye on the night sky. Turning around, Sayeh watched the white-tailed kite get down from the skies and prepare to land before them.

“Nour…”

“Yeah. You know, for two master wizards, you are disturbingly easy to track down. I’m disappointed, guys.” Her sister babbled, having already left her other form, and strolling towards them.

“You are supposed to be hiding.” Sayeh hissed.

“You were supposed to be _thinking_ before following him, so shut up,” With that, the blonde turned to Loki. “Good to see you are not dead, by the way. We should all get around sometime and drink tea. Now, sister, we must flee before those ass-hats find us here.”

Sayeh stole a glance at her husband, looking for something to make her stay. She would, she knew. If only he would ask her, she would face the Midgardians with him.

But he had turned his back at them, once again interested in the fight.

Both Sayeh and Nour had turned into birds, the first into a raven and the second back into a kind of white falcon, and escaped the place where Loki was right before Thor had arrived and carried him back to the jet.

Now they were in one of the safe houses “NILAM” had granted them, the Daughter of the Shadow waiting impatiently for news while her sister contacted SHIELD and informed them of their situation.

“Please tell me Thor didn’t just break Tony Stark.” The black haired girl whispered right when Nour crossed the threshold into the living room, to which her sister answered with a big smile.

“Probably not. Cap was fighting ‘em too, so…place your bet.”

“You do realize if my brother in law manages to kill Captain America we’re fucked, right?”

“You realize that just the fact that blondie is your brother in law and that you are _married to the God threatening to destroy earth_ means we’re fucked, right?” Nour replied in the same condescending tone, earning a growl in response from her sister.

“Just tell me what Fury told you.”

“He is sending a jet to pick you up. He says it’s crucial for you to be there when the prisoner arrives,” At Sayeh’s expression, her sister rushed to explain, “They know nothing yet. But he believes you could get information over Barton’s location out of him.”

“Why doesn’t he use Natasha? I’m…not as good as she is without my powers.”

“He says it hits too close to home with her. And yes, before you growl or hiss anything, I see the irony.”

Sayeh finally huffed a laugh, and let her head fall into her hands, her elbows resting on her knees and her hair cascading around her face, hiding it from view.

“What am I to do, sister?”

“Talk to him.”

“It’s not that simple, Nour.”

The blond haired girl sighed, rolled her eyes, and crouched in front of her sister.

“It is. It always was, with you two.”

“You are aware that I tried to kill him several times, he left me at least twice, we got married almost by threatening my biological father to give his consent, and haven’t met in five centuries, right, Nour?” Sayeh argued, voice still muffled by her hands.

By the Norns, what she wouldn’t give to have her mother with her now. Though a slightly brusque and callous woman, Sera Aren had been a loving and caring mother to Sayeh, and her death almost a millennium ago in the hands of a group of Jotün that threatened to take one of her palaces in the border of Jotünheim, had nearly broken her daughter.

Sayeh cannot possibly count the amount of times during her time in Asgard and out of it that she had wished for just one instant of her mother’s wisdom, just one more opportunity to listen to her complain about her stance at a fight, or to simply feel her arms around her, protecting her from the outside worlds.

If there was anyone in the Nine Realms capable of taking in the Daughter of the Shadow and shaping her into a daughter of love, it was Sera Aren. Fearless warrior, one to have fought alongside King Odin himself, one to have destroyed armies on her own, one to be undefeated. Respected noblewoman, one to have survived the Asgardian court, one to have lost her husband in battle and have walked with her head high despite it, one to have called the Allmother a dear friend.

Of course, Sayeh knew, not even if a touch of Loki’s lips could take the dark curse out of her body would have her mother accepted her marriage to the Trickster God. Though Sera had met the boys, and definitively would have chosen Loki over Thor to be her daughter’s love, of all the things Sayeh was meant to be, her mother knew, a Princess was not one of them.

Having been married to a General in the Asgardian army herself, Sera knew the pressure put on the women’s shoulders for being the perfect mothers, the perfect wives, the perfect decorations at ceremonies. And her rebellious, spirited little girl, how could she spend a night at a Royal Ball and not strangle a dull noblewoman for simply sneering at her? How could she remain seated and calm as her husband paraded her as a dragon slaughtered, a prize won? How, could she stand stillness and peace, when her soul demanded movement and war?

Oh, but her mother, for once in her long life, had been wrong.

What was dull, or suppressing, about pretending stillness and calmness only to be whisked away in the middle of a ball, to watch the sky or spar in formal clothes without the ever-present eyes of soldiers? What was so horrible about being prized, not as a dragon defeated in front of the whole court, but as a blessing to the man that loved her and not in a blasphemous speech, but in a stolen glance and a quick smile? What was still and peaceful about their lives when never had she laughed as she did with him, never had she fought as she did with him, never had she _felt_ as she did with him?

Sayeh raised her head and stared at her sister’s cerulean eyes.

“Tell Fury I’ll be there.”


	5. Chapter 5

The only sound in the metal hall of the ship were Sayeh’s combat boots hitting the floor with almost musical precision. Black tactical gear, dark hair falling down her back and a folder with her report on what happened on Stuttgart and what her contact had given her on her hands.

Sayeh stopped right before crossing the door to Fury’s office. Wetting her lips on a nervous habit, she felt the texture of her dark red lipstick and felt almost instantly better. She had her own war paint on, she was ready for this.

“Director?” She asked as she opened the door. The man in question greeted with a stiff nod, still not turning towards her from where he was, staring from a window, his arms behind his back, shoulders tense.

“Report.” He barked, without turning but still extending a hand towards her.

“Right here,” She handed it, and took another step back. “I was informed you had a task for me, Sir.”

“Yes, though not what you had expected. I told you I wanted you here to question the prisoner, but I have decided against it.”

Sayeh swallowed, and careful not to break any emotion on her face, she asked:

“Why, if I may ask?”

“Because I want you keeping an eye on the Asgardian, Thor. He’s with Coulson now, but even he may miss something. I want you to study him, and inform right away if something he does or says sounds…irregular to you.”

“You think he may try to free Loki?”

“I don’t know. But that man in that cell, he’s a man with a plan, and I’m fucking terrified of things going according to it.”

“Any leads?”

“He didn’t escape, not even while Thor and Stark fought. He could have, but he didn’t. Which makes no damned sense, ‘cause he already has the Tesseract, and whatever Intel he may have needed he can get through Barton. Something lured him here, and I’m going to figure out what that is.”

Sayeh nodded, and took a step back.

“I understand, Sir.”

Fury turned back towards the window, and as she retreated, he added, in an almost murmur:

“He has the good hand, but I’m going to trip over his damned table.”

After leaving Fury’s office, Sayeh hid herself among the sea of agents and soldiers, and managed to find herself on a way to Loki’s cell. She had no idea what she was going to do once she found him again, but she had been acting on instinct for the last months so this wasn’t exactly uncommon.

She kept herself hidden, at first, out of sight. Studied his posture, his complicated and yet stunning armor, his raven hair, his pale skin. His wrongly blue eyes. Standing with his profile being visible to her, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at space.

The transparent cell they kept him in angered Sayeh more than it should have.

_You think you have caged him, Fury? You think giving the illusion of displaying your trophy on a glass cell, the animal you caught over your chimney will save you or your people?_

_You think you won?_

Rationally, she knew the cage was made specifically for the Hulk, or Dr. Banner, but still, it irritated her to see him in a display, like who traps a spider under a glass and morbidly watches it suffocate.

It was almost as it said: we have you in a cage, and not only that, but on one you are constantly watched, don’t have a moment of peace, of privacy, on one where whenever we choose, we can show you to our enemies and allies, on one where we can humiliate you at our desire.

_Her mother kneeled in front of her, carefully touching her forehead where the cut made by a thrown stone kept bleeding, and with a water spell cleaned the blood._

_“What happened, little one?”_

_“I w-wanted to go to the falls, like…like the other kids do. I-I made sure no one saw me, that I went there when everyone was gone. I made sure that I didn’t bother them, I promise, mama.” The girl hiccupped, big silver eyes searching her mother’s. Sera smiled, though wishing to nail those damned villagers to a tree, and gently traced the cut on her daughter’s forehead, closing it with her siedr._

_“I know, little love. What happened then?”_

_The black haired girl gave a brilliant smile._

_“The falls are beautiful, mama. I didn’t hear anything but the water falling, it was…it was great. But…I didn’t hear the other ones come, so…so they scared me. A-And I showed them the marks. I didn’t want to, I promise, but they saw them, and they kept yelling things, and they kept getting closer._

_“I didn’t want to hurt them, I swear, mama, but one of them had a sword, and he kept telling me to show them my powers, he…he kept saying horrible things, mama. I-I didn’t want to hurt him, but they kept throwing things and yelling.”_

_The girl with the raven black locks stared at her mother as if searching for absolution and Sera Aren could do nothing more than to embrace her and kiss the newly healed cut on her head._

_“I understand. It’s alright.”_

_“So you are not mad, mama?”_

_Sera shook her head._

_“Oh, I am mad, dear. Not with you though, never with you. Now tell me, what did you do?”_

_“I pushed him away when he cut my arm,” She pointed a now also healed cut her mother had tended to minutes ago, “but some grown-ups followed them and saw that I hurt him, so one made one of those invisible walls you use when we practice.”_

_“Around you?” Her mother bit out, and as the girl nodded, as if such fact was acceptable, she had to concentrate on destroying their dining room instead of the room they were in, hoping her child wouldn’t hear the furniture breaking and the windows shattering. She would clean the mess afterwards, now it only mattered to do something other than run to that town and burn it to the ground for what they thought of her daughter._

_“But it wasn’t hard to tear apart like yours, so I broke it with my magic.” The girl stared at her hands, now traced by faint black veins, a trace of what had been her true form. “It’s easier when I’m like this.”_

_“They didn’t chase after you?”_

_“Yes, but they knew I was coming here, so they only shot some arrows,” The girl fingered the pale green dress she wore and added grumpily, “They broke my favorite dress, though.”_

_Sera followed her daughter eyes and saw a cut on her lower abdomen, a few inches above her hip, with blood sputtered around it._

_It looked through and through._

_Grabbing her by the shoulders, her mother turned her around and found on the other side a matching entering tearing on the fabric, alongside some other blood._

_“This pierced you, little one.”_

_“I know, but it doesn’t hurt anymore, mama.” She told her mother in a calming tone, with a brilliant smile._

_“Who healed this?”_

_“I did. I told you, mama, the brown haired lady with the nice dresses taught me how to.”_

_“When?” She asked again, despite having heard this hundreds of times, along other memories that neither she nor her daughter could tell apart from future or past._

_“In a few centuries from now. She’s really nice, and her sons are too.”_

“Out of all of us, to have you living among _mortals_.” Loki muttered suddenly, startling her when he turned his head and met her eyes even at the distance.

“What?”

He shook his head, as if he had just talked to a child in terms they cannot understand, and parting his eyes away from hers once again, he explained:

“You, in all your power, in all your…” His lips turned into a small smile, before he apparently stopped himself. “You, out of all, chose Midgard.”

“I chose my sister’s safety.” She spat, taking a few steps towards him. He must understand, that the only part of her worth saving lives inside her sister. She can’t…she can’t let people use Nour like they did before, as a vessel and little more, as a means to the end of summoning her sister: the precious and hunted Daughter of the Shadow. 

He considered her from the corner of his eye, his smile turning dejected, and slightly lifted his chin before correcting:

“You chose to leave me. Now, do so again, dear. Go back to your Midgardians, they will sure appreciate your company more than I do.”

“They…really don’t.” Sayeh provided with a small grimace, which prompted Loki to roll his eyes at her, on one of the first real displays of emotion –besides anger- that she had seen in him.

“I doubt that. Have you seen the way the little man in the metal armor looks at you? He practically devoured you with his eyes in that golden dress.” He snapped. A small twitch on his cheek told her of how he was clenching his jaw.

_Hah. Some things truly never change._

She just laughs, a quiet and uncommon laugh that she covers up with a hand over her mouth, enjoying one of the most real moments she has had in almost a month and a half, however surreal the situation is.

“I’m glad you are amused.” Her husband mumbled, disdain lacing his voice.

“Oh, Gods. I would… _never_. Not Tony Stark, of all people. My sister actually ships him and…it doesn’t matter.”

_I’m headed straight for the Castle,_

_They wanna make me their Queen,_

_And there’s an old man sitting on the throne and saying…_

Sayeh jumped, and unlocked her phone before the song her sister had set for herself on her phone kept ringing. She answered with a hiss:

“Nour, this is not a safe…”

“Thor is looking for you.”

“He’s what?”

“He’s looking for you, he’s telling Fury that you exist. They are going to look for you.”

She turned to see Loki staring at her, listening to her conversation with her sister attentively. With a small bow that she didn’t remember she knew how to do, she left the room.

“Why?” Sayeh hissed at the phone, maneuvering herself among the sea of people once again, towards the main centre of operations.

“Why the hell do you think, Sayeh? Because you are his insane little brother’s fucking wife, that’s why!”

She started shaking her head, though her sister couldn’t see her. That was not possible, she made sure of it…

“No. They can’t track us down. That’s why…”

“Heimdall can’t track us down, dear. Technology can,” Nour corrected quickly, letting her sister hear the smug smile on her voice. “However, they are not going to find you _if_ you act carefully. He hasn’t given a name yet, and probably all they’ll do is wait for a Goddess to drop from the sky and open a hole in their ship, not…you.” Nour sighed, “Just make sure to avoid him or prepare a cover if he ever recognizes you.”

“I’ll…figure it out.” She answered finally, prompting her sister on the other side of the line to grunt, probably covering her eyes with her hand.

“Remember what we said about thinking before acting, Sayeh? Please tell me you remember that.”

“I’ll…do what’s right.”

“That’s the matter. What you think is the right thing to do changes by the second.”

“I’ll be fine, sister.” Sayeh insisted, laughing breathily.

“My nerves won’t.” Nour finally muttered, and hung up the phone.


	6. Chapter 6

She sat perched on the balcony, playing with a dagger between her fingers while eavesdropping Thor’s conversation with the Agent he refused to call Coulson instead of ‘Son of Coul’ for some reason.

The relief the God of Thunder felt as the agent assured him of his beloved’s safety was felt all over the room. Or at least Sayeh felt it.

“And…can you find someone else?” Thor asked carefully, almost hopefully.

“Sure. What’s their name?”

“Sayeh, Sayeh Merdottir.” Thor answered with confidence. She was forced to repress a sigh. _By the Norns, Thor, you already gave up? Are you already pulling out the big guns?_

_Gods, I am speaking as a Midgardian, even._

“She sounds…Goddish. Who is she?” Coulson questioned, a brow lifted but his fingers already typing on the computer quickly.

Time to act, wasn’t it?

_“He is one to use words to deceive, Sayeh, so he doesn’t trust words. Neither his nor others’.” Frigga advised, to which her student narrowed her eyes._

_“I’m supposed to…what? Never tell him what I feel for him in fear he will not believe it and run away again?”_

_“No, you’re supposed to…show him, before he accepts it when you say it.”_

_Sayeh looked at Frigga for a few moments, and the breathed a laugh._

_“Your son is a complicated man to love, did you know that?”_

_“That I do. But trust me, dear, he’s worth it.”_

She took a deep breath and used the shadow to teleport to the top of one of the balconies that faced the centre of operations of the…she believed they called it…something-something-carrier.

_Here we go….actions._

With her feet dangling to the ground, Sayeh cleared her throat and pretended not to see the redheaded spy pointing a silenced gun at her. With a smile, she shrugged and answered:

“I’m his brother’s wife, though it has been _centuries_ since I have used that title.”

 _See? I didn’t choose the Midgardians above you_. _In one instant would I destroy my life with them for a chance at saving you._

Most of the agents in the room thought about killing her instantly. She knew that, she _felt_ that. Those were the stupid ones.

The smart ones thought about locking her in.

“Lady Sayeh!” Thor bellowed, a huge smile on his face, and strode towards her. She stayed still, dumbfounded.

Where were the words of hate? The requests of justification for her sins? The anger for her betrayal on Loki? The questions for her disappearance?

“Hello, Thor,” Sayeh greeted, jumping from the balcony and letting the adorable wall of muscle hug her and lift her off her feet. “It is indeed nice to see you too.”

He left her back on the ground, and they heard steps behind them. Natasha and the Director. Oh, what a nice welcoming party.

“Thor, step away from her.” Fury advised. She smiled and turned around.

“Come on, don’t be mad at him if I have been working here for years and you notice until now that I am from another realm.” She taunted, cocking her head to the side. The spy approached them as well, and Sayeh raised her hand and waved at her. “Hi, Nat.”

“Hello, Sayeh,” She replied, carefully studying her. “You were not lying when you said your past was complicated, I see.”

“Identify yourself.” The Director barked, interrupting them.

“Very well,” She conceded, and performed a small and polite curtsy to them before continuing, “I am Sayeh Aren, first child of house Aren, though…my birthright claims my name is nonexistent and my last name Merdottir.”

“You are from Asgard.” The Director stated. She narrowed her eyes in response, and purposely looked around them before answering:

“I am not. I never was, and never will be Asgardian. Now, I don’t think here is the best place to interrogate me, sir.”

“She holds no ill intentions towards your army, Director, I assure you.” Thor spoke in her behalf, and the man considered them before nodding slightly at the redheaded woman and turning his back at them, leaving the room.

“Please, follow me, Miss Aren.”

“Sayeh, please.” she responded with a polite smile. Oh, of all the outcomes, this was probably her favorite.

They led Sayeh to a secluded room, and walked inside with her, asking Thor to remain outside during the interrogation.

“Where do you come from, Miss Aren?” The Director asked. She squinted at him when he used her last name instead of ‘Sayeh’, but answered anyways.

“I am from Nidavellir, in Vanaheim. Now, if you mean where I was before I joined your…organization, I was living in Norway.”

“Our Norway?” He questioned. The former agent nodded. “Very well, why were you in Norway?”

_“They are using me to get to her, Loki. I vowed I would protect her, and I can’t do so here.”_

_“Yes, you can.” He growled back, and when she shook my head, he turned away from her in anger, and ranked a hand through his raven locks. “How is it safer to leave, Sayeh?”_

_“It is safer for her. I cannot…I cannot lose my sister, Loki, you know that.”_

_Closing her eyes, she let her other senses reach for the world around them, and felt him turn towards her._

_“But you don’t have to leave,” He argued still, now his voice softer, more…pleading. “I can protect you, I can…I can find a way. If not, we can leave Asgard, travel trough the realms, like your mother did.”_

I cannot possibly ask you to turn against your father, Loki, and it is him I fear. _She wanted to say, but she could not._ It is him who will mercilessly use my power and my sister’s to turn future tides to his victory.

_She had done enough damage as it was._

_“I cannot. I…there is no other way,” Sayeh whispered back, keeping her silver eyes tightly closed but still feeling the warm tears making their way through her cheeks. “Please, forgive me.”_

“I got bored of Germany.” The girl answered, smiling at him when he scowled. “Not fun enough since the man your Captain punched in the face two hundred times died.”

“What is your goal, what do you want?”

“I want world peace and Di Caprio to win an Oscar, but…I assume you mean by coming here?” She hummed slightly, pretending to consider her options. “Freeing my husband, I would say.”

“Why try to contact him now, and not when he visited our planet when Thor was captured trying to get his hammer back?”

_Her footsteps were the only sound on the huge throne room, not even a guard on her way to the Queen and her King. The golden heels under her feet were making a clanking sound that drove Sayeh mad, but she continued on, with her back straight and her chin up. Like Sera Aren taught her to._

_“Sayeh!” Odin gasped, and she narrowed her eyes at him._

_“You,” She barked. “Do not address me, not if you value your sanity. Remember, my magic is no illusion, and your True Sight won’t keep you from suffering under my hand,_ My King _.”_

_“How did you get here? The Bifrost is destroyed.” He questioned, ignoring her warning. She laughed cruelly –and slightly manically- at him, shaking her head._

_“Don’t pretend to have not considered it, Odin, back when your son was alive and you had a semblance of my loyalty. We both know enough Dark Magic can allow one to travel through the realms.”_

_“So you remember.” Frigga mused, interrupting the tensing cord between the All-Father and the Daughter of the Shadow, that was about to snap, and she was sure if it did, would end up with a dead King and a traitorous stray Princess._

_The girl turned to her, clenching her jaw._

_“I do,” She answered, blinking a few times to clear the tears from her eyes. With the words leaving her lips as a pained gasp, Sayeh asked, “W-Why? Why did you…Why give me back my memories when he’s…when he’s m-missing?”_

_“Because you deserved to remember. Because_ he _deserves that you remember him, that you love him, even after he is gone.”_

She shrugged and crossed her arms under her breasts, glancing at him with her head crooked to the side.

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for shocking entrances.”


	7. Chapter 7

“I hate you.” Nour stated, and her sister shrugged in response.

“You wanted me to do something. I did.”

“Not blow up your cover, Sayeh! For fuck’s sake, what are we to do now?”

“We fight, like we always have.” The silver-eyed girl answered, watching her sister pace in the small space of Sayeh’s safe house in the outer side of New York city.

“You are actually crazier than I remember.”

Sayeh stood up from the white sofa, and walked to her still moving sister. Now she was wearing one of the translucent black silk dresses she used to wear when fighting alongside the mage army of Svartalheim, actually enjoying the missed feel of elegance and distinction the dress gave her, even of just in her room.

It made her feel like not all had changed.

“I am not. Listen, Nour, you said it yourself: whatever is coming, is bigger than any of us, and I wouldn’t be able to fight it with the strength and abilities we both know I have if I kept hiding my true identity. I may fall, and if it happens, it will happen while I fight against whatever it is that is poisoning Loki from the inside,” Her head twisted to the side and a cold laugh Nour only heard once, when a group of scholars kidnapped her and demanded Sayeh to allow them a vial of the Dark energy within her to set Nour free. The girl’s silver eyes shone with a vicious glint. “And, oh, I _will_ fight.”

“You looked inside his mind? What is…?”

“I didn’t,” Sayeh interrupted, “But I know him, Nour, even if he insists on the contrary,” Turning around, she ranked a hand through her locks, and sighed, “He’s not…gone, nor is he completely here neither.”

__

Luckily, Fury had managed to track down one of Loki’s base of operations, delaying his plans for at least a while. Still, no one had a trace on Clint or Doctor Selvig, which had everyone on edge.

They had told Sayeh not to leave, not to talk to Loki or Thor, and not to do anything without telling them. That is, until she asked Director Fury like a little girl fifteen times in one hour if she could play with Coulson and Natasha, and the Director grumpily told her to do as she pleased, but within the same limits she had as an agent of them.

She was partly glad that they still trusted her, at least a little. She had been close friends to Natasha and a respected confidant to Fury in her days as a spy, and she would be saddened to lose those friendships, however fleeting they would be, considering Midgardian’s lives.

So, though now she was eyed warily and close to have one of those dog training collars that shoot electricity to keep them in a certain place, in order to keep her away from Loki; Sayeh was pleased to see not much had changed.

Not that she had tried too hard, though. She was still…apprehensive of meeting him again, deciding to study the scepter and whatever faint information they had about his plans.

She could not simply let him get his army and destroy Earth, or try at least. She owed Midgard her life and her sister’s, and the realm had been their home for more than half a millennium. No one, not even her husband was going to take over it in her watch.

But she wouldn’t let him rot in there either. Not that he would. She knew he was counting on escape, but was still missing a piece in his puzzle that she had not managed to discover yet.

Someone sitting next to her in one of the benches of the ship brought Sayeh’s attention back to the present.

“So what exactly do you do?” Natasha asked with a small smile.

“Why do you wish to know?”

“Because I want a reason to trust you.”

“I never asked for your trust.”

“But for some reason I believe you deserve it. Help me, tell me your story, tell me about those powers that Thor learnt to fear.”

Sayeh shrugged her shoulders without looking at her.

“Let’s call it magic.”

“But I don’t believe in magic.” She retracted, and with a sigh, Sayeh turned towards her. Natasha’s eyes studied hers with curiosity but also a sense of understanding, like some hidden empathy born from deep pain.

So, with a sigh, Sayeh relented:

“Due to an old legend about curses and magic and power, I was born with…special abilities, an unnatural control over magic, that was twisted and turned dark, into what it is commonly called Dark Magic, or Dark Energy. My parents…

By the end of her –considering everything that had happened to her in almost two thousand years, short- tale, Sayeh gestured to the general direction of Loki’s cell.

“Then, I guess the story becomes simple enough. I met Loki, we fell in love, got married, and then…this happened.”

_Not exactly in that order, but that story is ours alone._

“So you can…torture people?” She said, lifting carefully an eyebrow. Sayeh couldn’t fail to notice the way her body tensed once more as soon as the dark nature of the black-haired girl’s abilities was revealed.

“With mastery,” She responded simply. “Not only inflicting pain on their bodies, but also torment on their minds. But, you know that I don’t need my powers to do so.”

Natasha stayed silent for a long while, and Sayeh turned her attention back at the small glimpse of sky she could see through the small window nearby.

_I don’t know why I hoped a mortal would react better to the truth of my skill, they always seemed…horrified at something or someone holding more power than they have on their own._

“See, I knew there was a reason for us to trust you,” The spy finally whispered, and Sayeh frowned at her. Natasha simply shrugged. “You could literally rip all of us to pieces in order to free Loki, but you came peacefully, and are looking for a conclusion that leaves both sides clean of blood.”

“I would still rip you to pieces if I see no other alternative, dear.” The sorceress stated, standing up. Natasha did the same, with a small smile on her heart-shaped face.

“I would too, for the right person.”

“The one my husband has under his control.” She ventured, without really asking so. She nodded reluctantly, and quickly removed her eyes from the silver ones that seemed to perceive it all.

“Sayeh, the Director says you are allowed see him.” Thor called suddenly, in that loud and bellowing voice of his, startling them both as he strode happily into the room. Sayeh sighed. That adorable oaf will never belong in this realm.

With a grateful smile, she followed his lead. Director Fury nodded in courtesy at the girl, but his eye screamed at her that if the slightest movement on her part suggested him that she was plotting against his cause, he would end her.

_Or try, but mortals have always fancied the idea of being the supreme masters of their universes, and I am honestly too tired to even start to prove him wrong._

“So, what is this now, Thor? Some new agent? Another of your toys for me to break?” His distant, mocking voice asked before his brother could even completely cross the door.

“Were I to believe your words, love, I would be offended to hear you refer to me as one of your brother’s toys.” Sayeh sing-sang with a fake sweet tone. When she was finally able to look past Thor’s huge shoulders, her silver eyes locked on his green ones that were now carefully blank of any emotion.

“You were never one to believe my words, so this will cause you no trouble.” He sneered back and turned his back at them.

_“The way you look at them…” She mused, fingers idly tracing patterns on his pale skin. Loki took her wandering hand in one of his and held it against his chest, right over his heart._

_“What about it?”_

_“It speaks of…coldness. It is as if you would be as amused in their execution as you would be in a feast held on their honor.” Sayeh whispered, wrinkling her nose slightly._

_“They mean nothing to me, Sayeh,” He replied unapologetically, his thumb stroking over the naked skin of her hip where his free hand rested. “Would you have me rather lie, pretend care for those who hold none of it towards me?”_

_She shook my head, and supported herself on her forearm so she could meet his eyes. They studied her carefully, looking intently for the meaning behind her words, and a small part of her wondered if one day she would see his eyes free of suspicion, if she would ever meet his gaze and have his eyes meeting hers, instead of having them searching the deceit behind her words of love for him._

_“I meant no offense, love, I just…I now fear to one day I be at the end of that stare, to one day be of those meaning nothing to you, whose absence would not be noticed, whose return would not be welcome.”_

_He laughed, truly laughed, and used the hand still resting on Sayeh’s hip to bring her back to his side. Rising the hand he held on his own to his lips, Loki kissed her knuckles tenderly._

_“You are my love, Sayeh,” He replied simply. “Have you not wondered about the meaning behind such term? You were the one to say no idle words leave my lips, dear,” Now curious, she rested her chin on his chest to face him properly, and smiled slightly, waiting for him to continue._

_Loki released a small sigh and used one hand to brush a strand of rebellious hair from her face. But said nothing else. Sayeh narrowed her eyes at him, and saw the suppressed smirk trying to break free at the corners of his mouth._

_“You will not go on?”_

_“Figure it out,_ love _.” He whispered, and brought her closer by her chin to swiftly kiss her already swollen lips._

_“I’m stealing it, you know.” Sayeh mumbled against his lips, making Loki part from her to look her in the eye again._

_“What?”_

_“I will steal the whole ‘calling you love has a meaning’, and I am to use it at our wedding.”_

_He narrowed his eyes at her._

_“You can’t do that.”_

_“Why not? I don’t know the reason you call me that, but I’m fairly certain I know why_ I _call you that way.” She whispered, and flattened a strand of his hair behind his ear._

_“Because I started calling you ‘my love’ and you decided not to let me look like a fool?” He ventured, smiling down at her, but prompting her to wrinkle her nose at his words. It was in moments like this when she noticed how she truly had to work on letting him know with total certainty that she loved him, and that she needed him as much as he her._

_But, for now, she decided to stretch to whisper in his ear, while bringing his body once again over hers,_

_“You will find out at our wedding,_ my love. _”_

_They both pretended to ignore the shiver that went up his spine at the term of endearment that she rarely used._

And yet he had lied once again. Because the look in his eyes right before he turned his back to them…it was the exact same she had seen when he faced some dull warrior or pompous nobleman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not updating last week! Life has just been...chaotic. But, two chapters today!  
> Enjoy, and please tell me what you think!  
> Love, Luce.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last week I didn't update because of...chaotic college life, so, I'm posting last week's work today and tomorrow everything goes back to normal.  
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy!  
> And, as always, kudos and comments make puppies happier! (You can't prove me wrong, Lol)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, huge thanks to ShadowXXXHeart, my first reviewer ever!! Those of you who also write will hopefully understand how great it is when someone reviews your work. (Or maybe you don't, and I'm as weird as a victory over a Deathclaw, but meh)  
> Thank you!

Sayeh sighed and took a step ahead.

“Listen, I…” She started, but some agent stepped in her way. She raised an eyebrow at him. “ _Move._ ”

“Miss, I have to ask you to keep a cautious distance from the prisoner.” He explained stiffly, and all she could do was smile wickedly.

“Are you considering your…weapons enough to stop him from killing me?” Sayeh taunted, taking a small step ahead, measuring their actual intentions in keeping her at bay.

“Why don’t you try with keeping _both of you_ from killing us, Miss.” The Director spoke from behind them.

“I already told you, I am here trying to help you…”

“Help them what? Overpower me? Defeat me?” Loki snarled at her, now having turned back to them. The girl stayed silent, and his cold, cruel laughter reached her ears once more. “Oh, I see. You hoped to…seduce me back to docility, didn’t you? Oh, my dear _wife_ , I thought you smarter than that,” He smiled that vicious smile, making Sayeh clench her jaw in anger and embarrassment. “I have to admit it, it’s slightly disappointing, to be still chained to such a delusional, desperate…”

With a snarl of her own, she cut off his menacing words.

“You are chained to me because _you_ wanted so. Were the decision on my hands, I would have never married you, _Trickster_ , but you did not give me much choice, did you?” The words were not her own, but a part of her still ached over the fact that he _didn’t look for her._ But Sayeh had his attention now, so she swallowed past her pain and longing and took out that dark part of herself, the part of her that already knew every little fear of every person in the room, and could use simple words to bring them to light. And of course, that part also knew _his_. She hissed, using part of her influence in darkness to enable only him and those strong enough to hear the following words, “You were so desperate for someone to be forced to stand by you, to have someone to _stay_ , that you dragged me into a marriage with someone that _I did not love!”_

Loki stayed silent, for only an instant, and then his mask was back on, the mischievous grin marring his beautiful face with…detachment.

For a moment longer, his eyes were on Sayeh’s, but then he took them far away, and looked over her shoulder to his brother to speak directly to him.

“If you are done with this little test, I would very much like to return to my solitary confinement, Thor.”

“Were you left in solitary confinement, you would go insane, love.” She muttered under her breath, but of course he heard, and turned his gaze back to hers. There was still the mask in place, yes, but also a small hint of…amusement, of emotion, of _something_.

And believe her, that meant more than words could express.

“I have had to learn to adapt, dear. When the company does not please me, the absence will.” He answered simply, but Sayeh heard the slightly deeper meaning of his words, that spoke, probably without his own consent, about the change everyone who knew him before could see in his stance, in his eyes.

She knew she shouldn’t, but the pull was too strong, the curiosity too tempting to be ignored. She wanted to have a quick glance at the horror’s that plagued his mind, as she had learned that, Asgardian or Human, they were the proof of the person’s true identity.

She wanted to see if he had changed as much as it seemed he had.

She wanted to see if even a small part of him still cared enough for her to fear for her.

But then she saw the void. And a being stronger than anything that existed. And lips sewn shut, and horrid scars, and tortuous experiments, and…and Jotunar. She saw a Jotun, She…she saw Loki as one. And they kept coming, the images, the…the memories. There was so much pain, and too many screams, and too much blood, and so much…Gods, so much pain.

She stumbled back a few steps. She probably never had stumbled before in her whole life. Sayeh heard Thor call her name, but it was just white noise inside her head.

_I shouldn’t have looked into his mind. I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have. By the Norns, I shouldn’t have._

And she heard its voice, whatever _it_ was. And it talked beyond her husband’s mind. It talked beyond Loki’s tormented memories.

Because, oh, it talked directly to her.

_Even shadows leave trails, dear girl. Even shadows surrender._

The world around Sayeh had its light gone for a moment, for a tiny instant, and it is like the void itself has snuck its way into her body, into her soul. For an instant as quick as a blink, she was nowhere. And it was terrifying.

She felt its greed, its need for her power, for the dark magic that flows within her. She felt the icy hands that belong to no one clasp her strength, in a desperate attempt to absorb it.

_On the first night of your beloved’s rule, I will end you, Daughter of the Shadow._

She blinked carefully, slowly, fighting restlessly against the flow of memories and fears and oh, Gods, she shouldn’t have looked for.

“What is…How are you…” The words kept dying in her throat, and some part of her felt slightly perturbed that the whole room had fell silent. But Sayeh’s eyes were still on his, that now were of that perturbing greenish blue, and not the green she had fallen for. The dark crystal, the one fueled by her own rage that only Frigga could show her to control back in the days were things made sense; started covering her nails, her hands, creating claws that grew, trying to reach her whole arm. “ _What have those things done to you?”_

At her whisper, and probably the weapons appearing on her hands, someone grabbed Sayeh’s elbow.

“Sayeh, what happened?” Thor asked, and the girl wretched her eyes away from Loki’s to look at his brother.

His _brother._

But she had seen…

The now shattered pieces of ebony on her arms fell to the ground in a thousand tiny blasts.

Memories, too many of them, assaulted her mind. Her mother’s body refusing to heal the horrid and extended cold burns that decorated her skin, the blue beast with crimson eyes launching itself towards her. Her mother intercepting a Jotun ice spike that was meant to hit her.

Her mother dying after the battle for their palace at Jotünheim.

The dark magic flew through her and whispered quietly.

“Laufeyson.”


	9. Chapter 9

Sayeh stumbled back through the hall, looking for a place not so raided with damned _humans_. But they were following her, at least two of them.

Stark and Natasha. And Thor, for some reason.

She almost wanted to scream at him that she was almost as Midgardian as she was Aesir by now, that she was as lost as he was about his brother or his intentions, that she also got scared about what was happening.

Then Sayeh heard her sister’s voice inside her head, like she had ever since they were kids, living within Realms of distance, and yet reaching for each other, letting their minds become vulnerable to the other’s magic when upset or in danger.

_What did you do now?_

She sounded irritated, bored even. Sayeh would have smiled, before, but now she couldn’t. Everything about her felt numb.

At her silence, Nour spoke again.

_Sayeh, are you okay? What did those mindless beasts do?_

_Sister, where’s Thor? Have you seen Loki? Are you well?_

_Sayeh?_

_Answer me, I know you hear me. What have they done? Do you need my help?_

_Sayeh. Sayeh, answer me. Sayeh._

“By the Norns, Nour, can you shut the fuck up for just a moment?” She yelled out loud, clenching her jaw.

 _Okay_.

She then closed her eyes, and rested her head on her hands, walking backwards until she found a firm surface in which she could rest.

 “Is Lady Nour with you, Sayeh?” Thor asked, and a small smile –which, in his case, is like a whole grin. TV commercial stuff, believe her- curved his lips upwards.

“She is not. _So_ not. But I’m not telling you where she is, nor this bunch of lunatics.”

“Should I remind you that you just screamed at literally no one?” Stark chipped in. Sayeh resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Him, right there, he was the first innocent –almost- person she would kill in Midgard. “That’s insanity in my book.”

“Inexistent self-preservation is you talking to me right now in mine, Tony.” She growled, without opening her eyes.

_Can you answer me now?_

Nour sounded tentative, almost scared now, and a part of her clenched in pain at the thought of having scared her. 

“I’m fine, Sister. I swear.” Sayeh whispered, loud enough so she could hear.

_Well, that’s good. Do you need my help?_

“Are you willing to drop Tony Stark from the top of his tower?” She questioned, opening her eyes without speaking to anyone, just her. She saw Tony roll her eyes at her, but still cautious of her mood. A part of him was worried for her well-being, she knew, but a part of him was worried for what she might do to them also.

Nour’s laugh resonated inside her head.

_Probably. But we don’t kill people, remember?_

“I have my doubts about him being a Midgardian, I assure you.”

She had not-so-graciously escaped to her room after the same word the magic whispered in her ear was whispered by Sayeh’s own lips. She was being a coward, she admits it. But in her defense, they were raised with stories about how those mon-…the Jotunar were savage and wild and destroyed everything and everyone.

She was married to one.

Bards told stories about the wars with Jotunheim, warriors bragged and showed battle scars caused by their freezing touch, and kids had nightmares about the Frost Giants taking them away from their homes.

She was married to one. She laughed with one, she learned with one, she traveled with one. She _loved_ one.

They were trained to defeat them, to fear them, to desire their annihilation.

She was married to one.

But then again, he had married the Dark Magic embodied.

He chose to ignore the whispers and the sideway glances, the words of hate and the idiotic worships. He _chose_ her.

_“You must contact you parents, dear.”_

_“They are not my parents,” Sayeh growled at her former teacher, Loki’s hand on her lower back keeping her standing. “They left me to die while they accepted and raised my sister. I would be dead if not for my mother. I am Sera Aren’s daughter, not_ theirs. _”_

_“You are Sayeh Merdottir.”_

_All she could do was shake her head, a million thoughts of hate and rejection coming back just by the mention of the name that never represented her._

_“No, she is not,” Loki stated, deciding it was enough. “They did not give her a name, nor attempted to rectify for what they did to her as a child.”_

_“It is a rule, Loki. She is to marry with her father’s consent.”_

_“But she is not her father’s daughter.”_

_Frigga smiled at her son, and shook her head._

_“I am sorry, dear.”_

_The Queen left the room, leaving the couple alone when the doors were closed behind her. Loki turned towards her, and grabbed her chin, lifting her face to his._

_“Love, we don’t have to do this. I want to marry_ you _, not what they think it’s you. We don’t have to go through with this.” He vowed, searching her eyes in the hope of finding any of the life that always shined in those silver pools._

_Finally, the girl in his arms shook her head._

_“No. I…they won’t have anything else of me. They will not take you away from me.” She whispered, and her fiancé rushed to correct her._

_“They are not. They_ cannot. _”_

_“They are, and they will. I won’t let their…faults define me, not anymore. If we need their approval, then so be it. We will have it.”_

_Loki’s green eyes searched for the truth in hers, and when apparently finding it, he brought her close and kissed her forehead._

_“As you wish.” He sighed._

_It took him almost two weeks to track her family down, considering not even her sister, who was raised by them, had information on their whereabouts. It was two weeks of seeing her hollow, empty, as if the time they depended on her parents’ approval was slowly making her crumble._

_It was making him desperate on finding them, on finally and definitely letting her be free of them. After days and days of searching on no end, Loki found their small house in the outlands of the Northern region of Svartalheim._

_Sayeh sat still, her back straight and her chin facing up. Her silver eyes staring at those of the man that once could have been her father._

_“Was it not enough to take my daughter away from me? You must come here to torture me as well?” The man demanded, slamming his fist on the wooden table, but neither of the wizards even flinched at the action. “Well? Speak!”_

_“I did not take Nour away from you. Learning of what you did to her sister did that.”_

_“I did nothing to you! I tried to save you, if a thing like you can be.” The man spat back, but the girl shook her head slightly and spoke quietly._

_“You are my biological…father, so I need your permission if I am to be wed. I’m here to demand it.”_

_The older man smiled viciously, and stretched on his chair, lacing his fingers on his stomach._

_“You need me now, don’t you.”_

_“She does not,” Loki interrupted, the lie coming out of his mouth as easily as hatred. “We simply want to follow tradition, but are willing to forgone it.”_

_“You are the fool wanting to be wed to it?” He laughed at the raven-haired man, scrubbing a hand trough his graying beard. “You must be either power-thirsty or a fool, son.”_

_“I am neither. And I owe you no explanation. Will you give your consent or not?”_

_Mer considered the couple for a few instants, watching the Shadow sitting on the chair opposite of his wearing a dark green dress and its hair in a bun surrounded by curls; while its….fiancé was in a black and green armor, standing next to it with a hand on its shoulder._

_Mer Lucanson was nothing if not a smart man, who knew of magic, having had to raise a daughter with a natural gift to the light part of it. So he could smell the faint musky scent of the siedr acting on the barrier, reflecting or refracting through the wielder._

_It was not the Shadow, he knew, for its magic became from a darker and cursed plane, not the same as siedr magic. So its groom was readying it, then. To what, kill him? He died when that thing came out of his wife, and outlived her, out of all things._

_“I grant it, if it will make you leave my life.”_

_The Shadow nodded, and stood up. Mer stared at it with a faint smile touching his lips, so the Shadow turned back to him._

_“I assume you are not waiting for a show of gratitude.”_

_“I am waiting for you to drop the glamour. I can still see your rotten core, Shadow.”_

_Lucanson hit the stone wall with such strength that he considered the Shadow had called a wild animal to its aid. But it wasn’t. The man that claimed wanting to marry it was holding him up by the throat, staring at him with teeth bared._

_“I do not need you alive now, petty man,” He snarled, “So know that you still breathe because of her.”_

_He thought his spine was about to give in due to the force of the grip the young man had on him, but apparently the siedr wielder decided against it, and let him fall to the floor._

_Sayeh stepped ahead then, and stared down at her father._

_“For this is the last time I will see you or even hear from you, know this: I am Sayeh Aren, Heir of Sera Aren, Apprentice of the Allmother and bride of the God of Chaos. One hundred and thirty years ago, my mother, my_ true _mother, tracked you and your wife down and offered me a chance at vengeance by burning both of you like you would have let the villagers do to me. I chose not to, and that day, the black on my veins disappeared. So, I am everything_ but  _your daughter._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to each of you that left kudos, bookmarked, commented, or even just gave this story a chance and read it. You all make my day!  
> I hope you enjoy!  
> Love, Luce.

“What happened to you?” Natasha asked, and Sayeh raised her head from where it rested on her hands to face the redhead woman.

“Many things, dear.”

“I would appreciate if you stopped calling me that, it makes me feel like I’m talking to my grandmother.”

“You weren’t raised with your grandmother. You didn’t even meet her, Natasha.”

She looked surprised for an instant, but covered it quickly. She was a very good actress, that was clear.

“If you know that, you know my name.”

“But Natasha is the one you chose to have, as I have Sayeh,” She answered simply, and shrugged one shoulder. The spy looked at her ready to fire a question, probably about her name, so the sorceress said: “I have no name. I am the Daughter of the Shadow, Dark Magic embodied. I had no name until I joined the mage army of Svartalfheim, and they called me ‘Sayeh’.”

“It sounds as you have plenty of stories to tell, then, Sayeh.”

“I have as many as you, Nat.”

She huffed a small laugh, and sat beside her in one of the metal seats of the ship they were in. Her big eyes studied Sayeh carefully, and she stared back, unwilling to show weakness, no matter how much of it she had already showed to them.

“You know, I have learned that when someone adopts a character, a mask to put on; they usually keep it no matter what. People who faced war and real pain usually put on that kind of masks.” 

At her words, she narrowed my eyes.

“I wear no mask,” Sayeh stated simply, raising her chin slightly. “You may not like what you see, but…I have no other identity than this one. The same woman that was been your friend all these years is the same married to the God of Chaos.”

“I was not talking about you,” Natasha corrected, “I was talking about _him_. He has had this mask of a…demented God on all the time, ever since he first appeared and stole the Tesseract,” She turned her head to the side and studied Sayeh once more, “I don’t know _what_ you said to him before leaving, but that was the first time any of us saw the real him.”

“Who would know you would be the real weapon in this merry group, Natasha.”

“I could be,” The spy agreed, “If I had a portion of the influence you seem to have on the Gods on this ship.”

“You want to know what I learned back there,” Sayeh stated, narrowing her eyes at the red-headed woman, “Give me the reasons.”

“I worry for you.”

Sayeh raised a dark eyebrow in response. Natasha's answer was genuine,she knew, but not the entire truth.

“I'm moved, dear. But we both know there's more.”

“Yes, but you matter more. For now.” The spy answered, a small smile playing in her full lips.

“I am fine, I assure you.”

“But...something shook you back there, Sayeh. Something _bad_.”

The girl with black tresses smiled back, and shook her head dismissively.

“It doesn’t matter.” She whispered, her words having more than the meaning that met the surface. 

“Then...why are you here, really? Why did you become an agent?”

“I have been here on Midgard for a really long time. I only know there has been five centuries since I have been to Asgard, and that I was under the illusion that I was, too, a mortal, like you. My…life seemed empty at some point, I don’t even remember when, and I…we, me and my sister, we decided to…help.”

“You could help at a community center, Sayeh, that doesn’t answer my question.”

She laughed, bitterly, and looked at the spy on the eye.

“I know you understand about running from demons with adrenaline, Nat, don’t think me so naive.”

“Demons?”

“I was the owner of a library in Norway, with a sister and a cat and a boring life, but I had dreams of a land of Gods and Monsters, and magic, and legends. I thought I was crazy. I started realizing that I couldn’t remember my parents, or find documents that validated the idea of an identity we had formed on our heads.”

Sayeh then fell silent, and turned the ring on her fourth left finger, the golden snake that surrounded the finger with its small width, and held a small emerald in its eye, that looked directly at her if the ring was properly placed.

Natasha finally smiled at her and bumped her shoulder with her own, changing the subject.

“So you won’t burn down the ship yet?”

“Nah, not yet.” Sayeh breathed with a laugh.

“Good.” The spy stood up with one last squeeze at her friend’s knee, and turned to leave, but Sayeh’s voice stopped her by saying her name. She turned back around, “Yes?”

“You know it may happen, right? Me burning down the ship.”

The redhead considered her, and nodded once.

“I think you would be a little less dramatic, but yes, I know.” She assured, and left the girl alone in the corridor once again.

“Miss Aren,” The Director said, stepping in after Natasha, and Sayeh inclined her head slightly in acknowledgment before he continued, “Please, follow me.”

“Of course, Director. Though, I’m afraid I have no other information for you,” She mused, and followed him through the ship. He didn’t answer, or gave any indication to be listening at all to her, but she went on, “No hidden sons or daughters, if you were going there. Definitively no eight-legged horses, either,” She faked a shudder, “Gods, _mercifully_ no eight-legged horses. You mortals are weird, have I told you that? Because, I have lived here a long time, and there are not enough of you aware of how _odd_ you actually are. I mean, please let me understand how you actually explained the birth of a God by the mutation of a cow.”

“I see you have done your homework, Miss Aren.” The Director stated, interrupting her. She smiled, and shrugged.

“I was a librarian for more than a century, I had time, and was surrounded by a lot of concerning and frankly slightly offensive books on what you thought were legends.” Sayeh smiled at the last part cheekily, and she swore he almost rolled his eye at her.

Then, there was three hours of questions that she never answered directly but he never got tired of asking, and another warning, she didn’t know about what this time. Then, he practically shooed her to her quarters when she asked him about a whole gender coming out of a piece of bone, so here she was.

“Lady Sayeh? Are you in there?” Thor asked, and she smiled at him while opening the simple white door. He beamed when he saw her, even when she was wearing an over-sized SHIELD t-shirt and black leggings. Not that much ‘Goddish’, is it? Well she was a fucking librarian whose most interesting trait was her cat only a year ago, so sue her for still feeling like one sometimes.

“Hi, Thor.”

“I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me…with us.” He asked, stumbling over his words a little at the end, making her smile widen.

“Well, if you are looking for a date, I’m saddened to tell you that I’m already kind of taken, sweetie,” Sayeh said mockingly, taking the golden chain with the circular amulet from under her shirt and showing it to him. Before he answered, though, she concentrated her power and changed her clothes –something she would have _loved_ to be able to do, you know, back in the librarian days- and took a step ahead. “But having dinner with the men who are either dumb enough to try to kill me or smart enough to try to use me? Hah, can’t let that opportunity pass, right?”

“And, one way or another this is probably the last night we have here, so…let’s not waste it, right?” A female voice joined them.

Natasha. How she managed to stroll silently everywhere, don’t ask her.

The blond God looked between them, and then smiled his hopeful smile, realizing that Sayeh’s passing through that hellish world of spies and assassins was not one she had went through alone. Most of it, at least.

Thor offered Sayeh his arm to…escort her to the dining room, and she stood dumbfounded for a few seconds. Then, she laced her hand on the inside of his elbow, and let him show her the way.

Sayeh knew that he was aware of the customs there in Midgard, that he understood the manners required and the ones that, though back at their home may seem compulsory, here were…odd; but he needed that part of himself to stay alive. He needed Asgard to stay with him, he needed to still be a part of that land of Gods and Monsters, and if lacing his arm with hers was his way of holding home near him, Sayeh was only glad to indulge him.

After the rather comfortable meal, where the group of heroes decided to pretend that she was not a threat or involved with the evil God that wanted to destroy them all; Thor escorted her back to her quarters nearing midnight, where she was now, laying on the bed and facing the roof, back on her more…human clothing.

They were…nice. Her new provisory quarters. Though, they could never compare to her quarters in Asgard, even before she decided she would stay permanently and started adding her own preferences in the decoration.

Her room was not as big as the one Loki and her shared after they got married, but still, it was…perfect. The walls were of a warm nude color, decorated with delicate and slender lines of gold, that at the corners turned into branches full of leaves and roses. The floor was a combination of white and nude colors, forming designs that not even spending her day staring at, would Sayeh have understood.

There was the huge bed that was not that much used, the couch by the window –that the maids insisted on moving back to the wall, where it first belonged, every damned time she left the room- where Sayeh would most likely sleep every night, and where she watched the fire of the hearth die as the ‘one more chapter’ turned into a ‘the next book will have the answers’.

She loved that room, and when Frigga offered her to stay as a permanent student –though she had the feeling she wouldn’t have left Asgard even if she said she was terrible at magic and refused to ever teach her a thing, and no, it had absolutely nothing to do with a certain raven-haired God- Sayeh decided to make it her own.

Without magic –something Loki groaned about and complained all the way-, because she wanted to feel no residual energy in her room other than the one she carried with her from practicing magic  _outside_ , they took out every painting, every little sculpture, and every book in the ceiling-tall bookshelf, and replaced them with small tokens Sayeh carried with her from her times in Vaneheim, Alfheim, and even a small sculpture she bought from a Vanir that he swore was from Jotunheim; and a painting she asked a friend from Muspelheim to paint for her, that portrayed the most beautiful landscapes of every realm.

As for the books, she had not decided how to choose which ones would belong to her personal library, so she left it empty for a while.

Then, she remembers one evening she had walked into her room to find a single book placed in one of the shelves. It was an old tome that spoke of shape-shifting magic that she had already read a thousand times.

Loki was sitting on her couch with his ‘I know something you don’t’ smile, and had stalked towards Sayeh with a feline elegance when the book was in her hands and her questioning gaze on him.

“You wanted meaning in the books you put here. There’s a meaning in the book you hold you will need to unravel to find the next one.” He had stated simply, and kissed her nose before leaving the room.

It took Sayeh decades to find every book he hid for her. There was a different kind of riddle in every tome, a hidden meaning behind the words and the content, and each time a book was added to the shelf, the riddles became harder, and the secrets more difficult to unravel.

Oh, she had hated it. He had outsmarted her, because every time she showed up smiling brightly at him, holding the new tome in her hands, or dragged him with her all the way to Vaneheim, or Nidavellir, or even Jotunheim and found the new book; he was already looking at her with that mischievous glint in his eye, that condemned secret smile and the challenge at the tip of his tongue.

Oh, how she had hated it.

But she loved it too. And at some point between finding the secret identity of the last bastard son of the author of the book on shape-shifting and placing the last book on the shelf, Sayeh had learned to love him too.

Forcing herself back to the present time, the girl shook her head and stood up.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaay, I'm going to start posting on Tuesdays, becaue in my country we are starting college soon, and my Wednesdays stink, so...hope you enjoy!  
> And huge thanks to anyone who ahs bothered on posting a comment, clicking the 'kudos' button, ot just giving this story a chance!  
> Hope you enjoy, Luce.

“What is the extraction plan?”

“Extraction plan?” Nour repeated, to which her sister nodded once, even when the Daughter of the Light couldn’t see her.

“You would not have let me get into this facility without means to get me out of it, so I now want you to put that plan in motion. I’m getting out of here.”

“You are leaving Loki behind?” Her sister wondered, prompting Sayeh to release an airy laugh.

“When have I ever?”

A groan was heard from the other side of the line.

“Oh, damn. I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

__

_Screw it. Screw SHIELD and the Void and Director Fury. Oh, and oh so specially screw the Jotunar_ .

_Literally and singularly, in the past, though._ Sayeh mused, chuckling to herself,  _Gods, I'm turning into my sister._

With an illusion around herself, Sayeh stalked through the halls and passages of the ship. She almost smiled when Loki’s eyes widened in surprise upon her arrival near his cell.

Only that when she finally reached Loki, her plan ended, so she had no more steps to follow.

That was the thing about being not-so-optimistic about your chances of actually  _getting there_ , see?

“Hi.” She whispered, waving her hand. Oh, Sayeh was sure her mother was probably face-palming herself right now if she could see her. Loki eyed the few guards around them carefully and then turned back towards her, carefully putting the mask Natasha had told her about back on. He was still guarded with her, always had been, but Sayeh was beyond happy when she realized he was more guarded with them that with her, even now. About their audience, the girl shrugged and said, “They don’t see us. Don’t worry, my teacher in illusory magic was quite good.”

He allowed himself not a smile but quite. A slight loosening of the tension on his shoulders, a softer look in his wrongly-blue eyes.

“I’m glad not all was worthless, then.” He mused, not meeting his wife’s eyes yet, a bitter end in his words that she desperately wanted to erase. She wanted to explain to him the risks of her sister being seen, and her reasons for leaving Asgard, but soon he talked again, and considering the scarce words he had shared with her earlier, the girl could not bring herself to interrupt him. “Enjoying Thor’s company, I presume?”

“In fact, I was. I hadn’t realized how much I missed him until…” She answered truthfully, but then realized the way he eyed her carefully, as if looking for the truth, the hidden meaning in her words. Suddenly they were back at the beginning. Sayeh groaned and let her head fall on her hands. “Gods, Loki, you never got over that one, did you? I am _not_ being courted by your brother,” The Daughter of the Shadow faked a shudder, hoping at least to make him lessen the way he held himself so tightly. “I love him dearly, but…Gods, not even for my sister would I allow him to…ugh, no.”

“He did pursue you, once.” He said quietly, earning an eye-roll from the girl across from him.

“He attempted to amaze me at a ball by telling me about how he had slaughtered I don’t know which creature, and I let an illusion of myself in my spot and hid with you in the gardens, Loki.” Sayeh rectified, and she finally got a small smile. She smiled back, widely, but when his eyes met hers once more, his smile dimmed, and then was replaced by a light grimace.

“He is the rightful King.”

“And probably the one that will lead us to war, but I’m not complaining. Besides, I want no crown, it looks so heavy I fear I will bow my head too often. And, as you know, I can make them bow to me without it.” She added, coming closer and sitting near the glass that laminated his cell. “Are you done trying to set me up with your brother? Because I have _a lot_ to say to you, mostly curses and mean words, so I kind of want you to be done before I start.”

He met her gaze once more, and nodded curtly, walking forward and sitting almost beside her, with one of his shoulders leaning on the glass.

“Please, go ahead.”

A big smile broke free on the young goddess’ face, silver eyes shining with emotion.

“Fine. We will get to the curses later, now, look what I learned!” She shrieked, and raised her hand in front of herself with her palm facing up, and called for one of the dying tiny cactus she had seen in one of the offices. With it in her hand, she pulled to the darkness and death in it, and absorbed it, giving it once more its old splendor. Beaming, she raised her silver eyes to Loki’s, and shrieked again, “See? And not a bit of light magic on it, just me. In fact, I have not used other magic than my own since…ehm…in over a year, I believe.”

He studied her work carefully, with a slight twist of his head to the side that told her how he was considering the theories that could back her exercise. After a while, he raised his hand as if to touch it, only to notice then the thick crystal separating them.

And all of Sayeh’s progress banished before her eyes.

Standing up, Loki turned his back at her and crossed his hands on his lower back, only twisting his face slightly to her when he spoke.

“I know what you did, I know what you…s-saw.” And not even the emotionless way he spoke could mask the slight stutter at the end.

Sayeh swallowed convulsively, and though some part of her registered the way he hesitated, the most of her mind was trying to find a way to approach the subject.

“She told me.” She finally blurted, instantly flinching at her own words.

“Who?” He hissed, and Sayeh could see where his mind was going, so she rushed to explain.

“She did, as in ‘the Dark Magic thing’, not your mother. Now that I think about it, your mother didn’t tell me.

The girl frowned, and stared at nothing for a few seconds. Then, back at Loki.

“She traveled through the Realms to tell me I was not in fact a slightly lunatic human, but an ancient Nordic wizard married to the fucking Trickster God, who, by the way, had died while trying to use a _rainbow bridge_ to destroy oh, another Realm I didn’t fucking know about, but she forgot to tell me you were a Jotun. She could have probably saved the part where Odin fell asleep and the whole ‘we’re sending a killing machine after our brother but so miraculously he gets his damned immortality back because of some stupid rule that an unbelievably unfair King set ’, but nooo, she chose to ignore that you turn blue.”

_By the Norns, I hadn’t spent so much time talking without breathing since I was Frigga’s apprentice._

He stared at her for a few seconds, studying her, and Sayeh actually feared he was going to dismiss her and mock her again. But he didn’t. He took a small step ahead, toward his wife once again.

“That’s what…unsettles you, about this? About me?” Loki asked slowly. “That she didn’t tell you?”

“I’m kind of unsettled about being on a Midgardian ship talking to my imprisoned dead-but-not-so-dead husband. Among that, yes, I include your mother, the only one who spoke to me after I returned to Asgard looking for a way to skin Odin alive, not telling me about how my babies could have been half Jotun. But I assume you didn’t know either back then, so…at least I wouldn’t have been the only one frightened to death.”

He huffed a mocking laugh and turned around, giving her once more a look at his armored back, and making her wonder how much of the pain and suffering she had perceived from his memories was still imprinted on his skin.

“You were never good at telling lies, darling.”

“What? I’m not lying, Loki.” 

“You ramble when you lie, Sayeh,” He stated. A smile curved her lips upwards. He  _remembered_ , he remembered her, their time together...before. Loki continued with a hiss, “It may have been easy for you to forget, but it wasn’t for me.”

And her smile vanished.

The girl took a step ahead, once again noticing the crystal between them and clenching her jaw in annoyance. But, she pushed on, and though he did not face her yet, whispered,

“You know I…”

“I know nothing!” He yelled, turning back, his jaw clenched, his eyes wide in anger and a certain desperation. A second later, though, his features were once more of the disgusted and petulant Prince.

Sayeh though, refused to back down. Not when she had seen an emotion flicker on his face. Even when it was anger, it was a thousand times better than the cold and distant façade.

“You know me enough to be sure I won’t tell you what you want to hear. If you want to hear me say that you disgust me, that I fear you; then play one of your tricks and go ahead and tell yourself that was what happened, because you know I won’t.

She glanced at her side for a few moments, and then, slowly, softly, as if not to disturb the demons under his skin, she continued,

“And you know this is wrong. You know there’s no way to end this without bloodshed.”

He laughed that horrible and cruel laughter that the girl had not heard before when…when the world was right.

“Oh, I’m counting on it.” Loki hissed in response, and it was all she could do to stare at him for a few seconds. Maybe minutes, or hours, who knows.

_Sayeh pretended to care for the book on her hands as she saw the adviser approach the Allfather._

“ _The reports on the village you demanded for the army have arrived, my King.” The man started, following Odin as he separated himself from the few nobles he was chatting with and dedicated his attention to the adviser. Sayeh kept on listening, “Sadly, they have refused to grant their resources to the crown. I have investigated, however, for alternate…”_

“ _They deny the Asgardian army what it needs, what it_ deserves _?” Odin interrupted, frowning and yet smiling in that way that told Sayeh he already saw his victory. “Send Sayeh and her sister to the village. They will prove themselves there.”_

“ _What did you just say?” The young girl spat, standing up and approaching the King as if she had been a rightful participant of the conversation._

“ _Watch your tone, girl.” The adviser warned, to which Sayeh merely answered with a glare, that then she turned to the Allfather._

“ _You are sending me to slay a city smart enough to deny you?” She asked, incredulous, and Odin responded by shaking his head._

“ _No, I’m sending you and your sister. Princess or not, apprentice of my wife or not, you are_ still _a danger.”_

_The girl’s back straightened and her gaze hardened when she heard the King speak of her sister._

“ _I am bound to the army by heritage as well as marriage, but Nour is bound by neither. She is not yours to command.”_

_Odin nodded, but still stared down at his daughter in law as if she were but a child, stumbling for answers in the darkness, and him the eternal savior to her and them all. As if he had all the answers. As if he had her life in his rapacious hands._

_Maybe he did._

“ _Neither are you, and she is the best method I have to ensure you indeed are.”_

So now Sayeh stared at her husband across the room and sadly mused:

_Your birthright may be Laufeyson, but never have you been more of a son of Odin than now, my love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and if you want, you can follow me on Tumblr, I go by @I-cant-believe-its-not-a-writer, and on pinterest, if you want. I have a board for this story, its Of Gods and Monsters, Username Luu, or Luuce_CM.  
> Thank you!  
> Love, Luce.


	12. Chapter 12

The fight for his soul, for his salvation, was far from extinguished within her; but he wanted war,  _needed_ it even; and sadly war always sang to her as well.

He wanted destruction, and she was a force to be reckoned with. He wanted power, and she could provide it. And she wanted to. She wanted to give him power, to see him conquer, to stand by his side until the very end, even if it was him who caused it.

But suddenly she was once again seeing a village consumed by the power of the Shadow, with empty promises of safety for her family ringing in her ears, with hate in her heart not for the man in the throne, but the throne itself, that allowed one being such power, such command over foreign lives.

“Then I shall see you on the other side of the battlefield, _my King_.”

And she turned her back at him, still carefully keeping up the illusion that showed Loki alone in his cell, and took two steps towards the exit.

“You owe them nothing,” He called, in that maddening monotonous tone. “You can still go back to…wherever you were.”

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Sayeh gave him the only answer that he was willing to listen to now. Maybe the only one she was willing to give, too.

“I belong here as much as you do, but I will fight for the Realm that once I called home with my life if I have to. I will not bow to a false King.”

“Are you willing to perish for _them_?”

“I am willing to pray and perish for peace, always was.”

“They will never be at peace, the Midgardians.” He retorted quickly. Two days ago, Sayeh would have believed he was trying to convince her to go, to _save_ her. But he wasn’t, he wanted to save nothing and no one but himself, she repeated to herself.

Strangely, her words sounded more like her mother than herself.

“I don’t pray for their peace, love.”

He didn’t answer.

_Ask me to stay, and I will. Ask me to explain what happened five centuries ago and I will, ask me to surrender my Midgardian existence for you and I will. Ask me to_ choose you _and I will._

_Just ask._

He didn’t answer, and Sayeh didn’t turn.

They didn’t face each other until the next morning, when the gate to his cell was open, and the ship was falling.

____

Sayeh was positive Natasha was hurt or worse, Clint was missing, Dr. Banner was hurting someone –probably himself more than anything-, Coulson was dead, and the thing pivoting down to earth from the ship was the God of Thunder.

Splendid.

And now she stood in a falling ship, her hair flowing with the wild wind of a broken wall, and her eyes on the aircraft that was now taking flight with her husband on it.

He looked over the facility, his wrongly blue eyes sweeping over her for an instant, but then turning his gaze ahead of him.

Sayeh waited,  _hoped_ , for a sign that he wanted her to go, that he wanted her to follow him; and only then, amidst the chaos, did she realize she shouldn’t.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know this is a short chapter, but I'll probably update again today or tomorrow with number 13, which I'm in equal parts exited and insecure about. Let me know what you think, and check me out in Tumblr if you want! @I-cant-believe-its-not-a-writer  
> Love, Luce


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THIS!   
> Hi! I'm really not sure about this chapter, because in order to explain what will happen later on and what is happening now (and because I love writing Asgard, and Frigga, and this two dorks before they mucked everything up) there needs to be a lot, and I mean A LOT, of italic text, or as you probably figured out by now, flashbacks to what was.  
> So pleeease, review this chapter, even if it's just to tell me that you don't mind the extra bit on telling you about their past or to yell at me bacuase you do mind, and it bothers you; because the next chapters are outlined but not written, and I can change things for now.  
> Okay, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy!  
> Love, Luce.

She shouldn’t wait for his pledge, for his answer.

_Sayeh's voice resonated through the room, imposing as the voices of a thousand other Daughters of the Shadow, a thousand other women cursed and blamed, cornered and afraid._

“ _You_ chained _me?”_

_A family contract between Sera Aren's late husband and a noble house from Nidavellir had been looming over the young apprentice of the Queen, apparently binding her in marriage to the youngest of the family's sons, a commander in the army._

_Only now it wasn't a boy from Nidavellir Sayeh was bound to, but Loki. He had...Frigga truly did not want to use the word 'thought', because that was not in her son's process of action when Sayeh was involved, but...yes, Loki had thought the best way to avoid her unwilling binding to a stranger was to promise her to him, and that way keep her in Asgard._

_Frigga touched the girl's shoulder, straying her focus away from her son. Silver eyes stared back at her own, filled with rage, betrayal, pain, and that animal instinct of_ fleeing.

“ _Let's please discuss this civilly, dear.” The All-mother suggested, “There's no point in losing our temper.”_

_Sayeh's eyes lost their silver shine at her teacher's words, slowly, as if consumed by smoke, turning completely black. No distinction between the pupil and the rest of the eye, and no distinction either from the girl and the Shadow._

“ _Always so civil, so careful, Frigga,” The Shadow taunted, making the Queen realize her words, though her own, were fed by her knowledge of the darkness on other people's minds. Taking a step back, Sayeh approached the room's balcony, stepping back from her teacher and her now betrothed, and narrowed her eyes at the Queen, “Would you still stand as tall, were my mother here to count your sins? You swore upon your life and your strength to keep me away from the pain_ she _endured because of this blasted court; and now you chain me to one of your_ sons.”

_At the girl's attack on Loki, Frigga straightened her back._

“ _Your mother did not have all the answers, child.”_

“ _And yet she never wished to see me restricted, bound,” Her eyes landed on Loki with a reptilian hunger for poisoning and suffocating her prey. “or wed; least of all to you. What use are you to me? Why would I want you?”_

“ _Enough!” The Queen demanded, but Sayeh did not cower, her words darting to her son like the daggers he so expertly handled._

“ _No, it is not! It is not enough while I am cornered and bound to a world I do not want, a court I fear, and a Prince I_ do not love _! It is not enough while I was betrayed, tricked and humiliated by the only one I trusted in this condemned realm!”_

“ _Is the idea of being my wife truly so disgusting? Would you rather be bound to a man you barely know, away to who knows where, Sayeh? ” The prince spat back, advancing towards her, and Frigga saw her eyes turn back to normal, and her gaze soften in pain._

“ _I would rather you had cared enough for me to give me the_ choice _.”_

_And being her mother's daughter, the girl left Asgard to who knew where, and for almost a year and a half no soul had seen her._

_The day of her return, Sayeh presented herself to her teacher._

“ _I apologize for my words the last day I saw you, my Queen, it was not...called for.”_

_Frigga shook her head in response._

“ _It was indeed called for, my dear. You were scared, and I understand that. There is no need to apologize for the things you said to me.” The emphasis Frigga made on whom Sayeh should apologize to was not lost on her._

_The girl answered with a nod, and a setting of her slim jaw._

“ _I suppose I am to be a Princess now?”_

“ _Not if you do not wish so. You and Loki can remain unmarried, and still you cannot be promised to other man without your consent.”_

_Sayeh did not miss the irony, and morbid amusement filled her silver eyes. As she was about to answer, an maid entered Frigga's lounge-room,where apprentice and teacher were talking, and told the Queen of her oncoming meeting with a Vanir dignitary._

_With a court bow, Sayeh bid the All-mother goodbye, but stopped when she called her name._

“ _Queens do not threaten, dear girl, but if you_ ever _dare hurt either of my boys again, not even the shadows will aid you.”_

_As expected, a confrontation between the second prince and his betrothed did not make itself wait long._

“ _Sayeh, don't be so childish!” Loki yelled, and the girl in question rose her eyes to the prince with a falsely meek expression on her face._

“ _I'm sorry, my Lord, have I displeased you?”_

“ _Sayeh, give up this charade.” He warned in response. The girl pretended to be afraid when he approached her, which only made Loki angrier._

“ _What is going on now, darlings?” Frigga questioned, and at Loki's growl, Sayeh smiled, triumphant, and explained,_

“ _He wants to make my decisions for me, so I granted his wish,” Silver eyes set on the prince, not with malice but with amusement and mischief. “Is that not what you wanted, dear?”_

_The trickster turned his gaze to his mother._

“ _She has been at this for the last hour.”_

“ _Because you told me you were right in making_ my _choice for me, an hour ago, dear.”_

“ _I said it was not as wrong as using your powers on me, darling.” Loki retorted in the same sickeningly sweet tone so forced for both of them that neither contained a smile._

“ _Yet you haven't admitted yet to commit a fault against me.”_

“ _Neither have you.”_

_With a smile, Frigga turned around and left them to their argument. Their words still reached her, though._

“ _If not an apology, then you owe me a promise,” The girl stated, and her teacher could almost see her, crossing her arms, twisting her head and stomping her foot. “You must swear to never do that to me again.”_

“ _I find it difficult to be able to get you to marry me again, darling.”_

“ _Don't try to fool me. It didn't work in your favor last time.”_

_A long silence stretched between them, and Frigga finally took he leave, and gave them privacy to discuss what their situation was now. She new, though, the fight would not last long._

_They both had their tempers and their faults, and they both had built walls around themselves. However, when around each other, they melted._

_Meanwhile, Sayeh stared up at the green eyes of her betrothed in a silent challenge._

_Loki stared back at her with the same defiance, the same strength, searching, she knew, for her reason behind her actions, for 'what she gained' from whatever she asked of him._

_Finally, he nodded._

“ _You want my vow, and you have it. I am never to trick you again, if it is what you wish.”_

“ _It was not the trick, Loki, or the lie. It was you taking away my choice from me. I have had enough of those who believe can rule over my life, you more than anyone know that,” Taking a step ahead, she put her hand on his armor-laded chest, her eyes beseeching his, “Swear to me never to force my hand again, and...I will marry you.”_

_That earned her a small smile, and Loki shook his head at her._

“ _You don't want to marry me, Sayeh.”_

“ _I don't want to marry a prince of Asgard. You..." Sayeh sighed, a smile playing on her lips, "I could imagine a life by your side, Loki.”_

So now, in a falling ship with her husband on the other side, Sayeh jumped.

With her feet secured on the metal floor, she turned back to watch the gate finally close, leaving the world that hosted her behind, now as her enemy, as her target. As anything, if it meant saving those she loved.

A gasp left her lips when turning once more to the inside of the ship, she found Loki a mere few feet away from her, his blueish green eyes searching hers. She smiled, and bringing a hand to her chest, she feigned a bow.

“My prince.” She teased, rising again. He took another step ahead.

“My Queen.” He rasped back, pulling her to him. And then, his lips were on hers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, as I think I didn't state this before: Asgardians live around 5,000 years, so when in earlier chapters they take decades to find Sayeh's books, or in this chapter that she leaves for two years, it's really not that long.  
> Bye, and thank you for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand I'm back. Almost a month without updates, I'm deeply sorry.  
> Enjoy chapter 14, and stay tuned 'cause this week -friday tops- chapter 15 will be up.  
> Anyhow, please tell me what you think!!  
> I would love to know if any of you stayed around even though it took me so long to update!  
> Thanks,  
> Love, Luce.

“ _I never thought I would ever be so pleased to place a book in a shelf, to be honest.” Sayeh whispered, staring in awe at the gigantic shelf of her room, now and for the first time, full of books._

“ _We can start again, if it pleases you so.” Loki taunted, a smile curving one side of his mouth upwards as he stared down at the girl. She barked a laugh that would have made a noblewoman cringe at the 'utter savageness' of her actions, and shook her head repeatedly._

“ _Oh, heavens no. As much as I love you, I will drop you off in Musphelheim if I ever have to work that hard.”_

“ _You...wh-? Uhm...”_

_At his chocked words, she turned her head away from her beautiful collection -she was very proud of it, mind you- to his always searching green eyes. Only then did she realize that, yes, she chose the worst possible time to tell anyone, especially Loki, that she loved them._

“ _I originally had a plan, actually. I was going to be a lot less tired and...I think there's some kind of bug blood in my hair from the trip back and....no, it doesn't matter. The point is that I had a plan. I always do now, probably because I spend too much time with you, because before I didn't actually..._

_She shook her head at herself, and turned back to the point._

“ _That's...not what I was meant to say. I, uhm, I love you.” She squared her shoulders, and contained herself from adding '_ I think' _at the end of her confession, always so afraid of actually binding herself to anything, let it be a place, a person or a feeling._

_But Loki simply smiled back. Not the happy, or at least surprised smile she hoped to see the first time she confessed her love for him, but a condescending smile, a horrible testament of what he thought of himself._

“ _Of course you do, darling,” He muttered in response, bringing her close with one arm and turning his gaze back at the shelves. “So it is a negative on the book hunt. Still, I believe even you haven't read some of the tomes stored here. At least you will be...entertained for a while.”_

“ _Are you truly ignoring what I just said?” Sayeh demanded, realizing too late how much of a child she sounded like._

“ _Of course not.” Loki answered, a small frown on his face when he turned back to look at her. The girl pushed him away and stepped back, crossing her arms._

“ _But you do not believe me.”_

“ _I do believe you think you do.” He answered simply, with calm patience, as if expecting a child to finally understand a simple concept._

_She had to restrain herself from punching his Gods-damned perfect jaw for being so condescending, and chose to turn her head to the side and search his eyes._

_He preferred to deny it, but she knew him better than he even knew himself, so she could see the hidden fright, the hidden distrust and the hidden hope._

“ _And, pray tell, why do you know better than myself what I mean?”_

_He turned from her, and running a hand through his hair, he whispered:_

“ _You feel obligated to love me, and trick yourself into believing so. Sayeh, I can offer you nothing,” When she opened her mouth to discuss, he cut her off, “I had to_ trick _you into being my betrothed, do you believe I would have done that if I ever considered the idea that you would stay with me out of love?”_

“ _Am I truly so naive in your eyes?”_

“ _No, but you are...susceptible.”_

“ _You are a fool. You do know that, right? Or do you know I 'believe' that, too?”_

“ _Don't be so childish, Sayeh.”_

“ _I'm not childish; I'm upset, you fool!” She shouted back, advancing towards him and pressing a finger to the center of his chest, “I love you, prick, and we are getting married, so you should start believing it! I. Love You. I. Love...”_

_Loki took her hand and pulled her towards him, promptly silencing her with his lips on hers._

_With his free hand cupping her face, he kissed with centuries-old desire, his lips moving insistingly on hers, tongue finding hers and keeping every one of her gasps trapped within himself._

_Too stunned to respond, considering it was actually the first time they had been close to each other like...that; Sayeh only surrendered to Loki's ferocity, closing her eyes and simply enjoying the cool feel if his lips on hers._

_He took her submission with a low growl, and pushed her even closer, a hand on the back of her head tangling in her hair._

_His kiss was intoxicating, turning every nerve of her body on fire and at the same time making her numb to anything but him, and the fresh taste of his lips on hers._

_But realizing there was an edge to his kiss, a dare for response, a force that both pleaded and demanded her truth, Sayeh pulled back, her hands on his beating heart._

_His pure green eyes were clouded by desire for a instant, and when doubt started taking its place, Sayeh rushed to press her lips to his once more._

_She made of this kiss a more gentle proving of her love, but not being able to resist biting on his lower lip to entice a groan from deep in his chest._

_Moving her arms over his shoulders, keeping one hand on the back of his neck and the other dragging her long nails over his upper back, Sayeh moved back, letting her back collide with the newly-full bookshelf._

_At the odd circularity of what happened, Sayeh broke apart to breathe a laugh over his lips, her silver eyes closed in contempt. But her daze soon ended when he broke away from her embrace, the detached mask of the Asgardian Prince back in place, sending her heart plummeting down._

“ _Do not believe yourself to be enough to fool the God of Lies, dear.”_

_And with that, he left the room._

Why? Why did their first kiss come to mind then? Why not the last? Why not the one on their wedding? Why not the thousand others they had shared?

Why did his lips on hers, his hands on either side of her face, his smell surrounding her stroke as so similar to that first condemned kiss that her chest actually _hurt_?

The part of her that had left half her heart back in Asgard when she escaped to protect her sister, the part of her that loved _them_ , who they were together over anything; told her, begged her, to keep the illusion going, to close her eyes and pretend the world was right.

But the part of her that had spent 500 years feeling like an inadequate human for feeling love for someone, something that she didn't even know what it was, the part of her that loved _him_ beyond reason; that part told her to face reality because reality was coming after them sooner or later.

And she had to listen to that part of herself. So she stepped back, her hands on his chest and her brow furrowed.

Loki answered with a proud, and maybe even pleased, laugh.

“You've always craved power, Sayeh,” He brought her close again, hands on either side of her hips, and she could only stare at him, her heart thundering inside her chest. “Finally, I am able to provide it to you.”

No, no this wasn't what...she...this wasn't how it was supposed to be.

Breaking away, Sayeh shook her head, and caught the eye of one of the agents sitting around them in the plane, who studied her with interest, eyes clear of Loki's control.

She rose an eyebrow at him, her expression once again the one of the Shadow. Loki noticed, because of course he did, and turned his attention and anger at the agent.

“Is there a reason why you are staring at _my wife_?” His voice lowered, a possessive edge on his tone that should not be as alluring to Sayeh as it was; and he was almost growling at the young man, who quickly turned his eyes to his lap and shook his head furiously.

Sayeh rolled her eyes and motioned an agent to move so she could sit and avoid ending up upside down when the jet started its descent, and ignored Loki's glare that told her the argument was not over.

__

Once they reached his base in somewhere over Europe -Sayeh is sure she fell asleep at some point, even though it was a twenty minute trip, tops-she found herself following Loki as he barked orders and pretended he did not have a small ball of fury with silver eyes following him around.

“You will listen to me!” She hissed, and hurried her step so she could match his condemned long legs. She caught several agents watching the exchange, and probably wondering how this lady that appeared out of nowhere could go on and on throwing every kind of insult known to men and then some until their Lord listened to her and not be killed on the spot.

Finally, Loki stopped, and signaling with his chin to a room that when the base was Midgardian could have been an infirmary, stepped behind her on their way to privacy.

“Very well, I will listen.” He stated, crossing his arms behind his back and eyeing her with feigned indifference and a slight annoyance.

Sayeh took a moment to inspect the gray walls, the distanced beds and avoided wrinkling her nose at the stinging smell of antiseptic that seemed to cling to the room itself.

She walked to one of the beds, and sat on it, getting her hair out of her ponytail and running a hand through it, trying to clear her mind.

Turning her gaze back to her husband, she whispered,

“This... _us_ , this was never about power, Loki.”

“What was this about, then, darling?” He purred, his response so quick and ceaseless, that were she someone else, she would have believed him, “Love?”

When she remained silent, he laughed, that horrible mocking laugh, and shook his head at her.

Her blood boiled, and Sayeh said through gritted teeth:

“Don't play cynical with me, Loki. Remember who I am, remember what I know.”

“What do you know, then, dear?”

“I know you!” She stood up,eyes shinning in a threat that silver could turn to black as quickly as her powers could take control of his and every mind in that facility.

“You know nothing about me,” He stated, strolling away from her a few feet, and closed the door with a soft thud. Then, he turned back to his wife, “I am not the same credulous and laughable boy who awaited your return every time, Sayeh. I have grown, since you left.

She remained silent, and he took the chance to get closer again, only this time going to her back, and hissed in he ear,

“Did you truly expect things to remain the same? Did you expect my arms to be open, ready for you to jump into them? Did you expect for me to still want you?”

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! I'm sorry for the late update, hope you enjoy!  
> Love, Luce.

Sayeh bit the inside of her lip, silver eyes staring at nothing while her body resisted the temptation to inch closer to him, even a bit.

She hated how her voice strained when she whispered,

“I forgot you.”

“Oh, worry not, dear, I am well aware of that.” His voice was a whisper too, and yet it carried more resentment and anger that she could have imagined.

Sayeh turned around, bottom lip trapped under her teeth, but decided to look over his shoulder instead of his eyes.

“I forgot everything,” She clarified, “I forgot all but my name and my sister's,” A self-mocking laugh escaped her, and she took a few steps back, away from him and finally facing his eyes, “Apparently the...my curse, comes with a few conditions. It needs exposure, it needs to _feed_ , or else it... feeds from me, turns me into nothing _but_ the Shadow. So when I escaped Asgard and decided to withhold the use of Dark Magic, it started...erasing me.

She saw the worry for her cloud the anger in his eyes, and they lowered to her chest, over her heart, that was slightly uncovered in the low-zipped tactical jacket she wore; as if expecting to find the darkness there, tainting her heart and her veins with black, like it did, in his presence, only a couple of times before.

“I'm free of it now,” She added, but a dry smile took over her lips soon after, “As free as I can be from this...curse,” She shook her head and faced him with narrowed eyes, “So yes, I left you all that time ago, and no, I didn't come back, but tell me, _my Prince_ , why didn't you come after me?”

“What?”

“You heard me. I still remember the last time I saw you, Loki. And my memories of who you were, hell, who _I_ was were blurry at the time, but I _know_ you knew something was wrong,” She kept walking closer to him, and -probably without noticing- her husband took a step back at her advance. “Why did you let me go? _Why did you give up on me?”_

“I did not.” He refuted quickly, but she saw the doubt crawl into his eyes.

“Then why did you say goodbye?”

_They had agreed on twenty-five years, a quarter of a century and she would come back, as if she had decided to change directions in the long journey all of Asgard thought she was on. They had agreed on that, but Sayeh knew she could not wait that long._

_So she cloaked herself in darkness and traveled to a faraway village from the one she and her sister were on, and there willingly made herself visible to Heimdall, and called for his aid._

_She nodded at the man with amber eyes in gratitude, but kept the hood of her cloak on as she called for a carriage to take her to the Palace. The guards shared a look, unsure about letting a stranger woman into the All-Father's domain, but a nod from the man in charge of the Bifrost told them to ignore whatever doubts plagued them._

_The girl was lead by a kind and clever maid from the palace to one of the feast rooms, where apparently the Princes and some warriors had gathered to celebrate some sort of victory over...something._

_She cloaked herself in a gown fitting for a feast such as Thor's, and wondered into the room like she had been there the day before, hoping to surprise her husband._

_But, of course the blond, loving sap would find her first._

“ _Thor, be quiet, it's a su...”_

“ _Lady Sayeh! Here to end my brother's moping, I assume?” Thor bellowed in that voice of his, and she was sure she would have been able to hear a needle drop in the silence that followed her name._

“ _...a surprise.” She finished with a chuckle, patting her brother in law's shoulder with affection._

“ _Sayeh...?”_

_She turned, a big smile on her face showing her white teeth, “Hello, love.”_

_She ran, laughing and feeling the up-do in her hair fall with her quick steps, but none of that even settled in her mind because after over fifteen years, she was back in his arms, his scent surrounding hers, his muscles moving under her hands, his face hidden in her neck. She was back._

But the last time, the time after years and years of reunions and partings, but partings that were never posed as goodbyes, but as 'see you later's of sorts; that time...that time she was sure was a goodbye.

_ Sayeh did not know why she had decided to walk to that empty clearing away from her village that day, but even before opening her eyes, she knew it was the best choice she had probably ever made. _

_ It wasn't waking up in the gigantic bed, among the pillows and sheets softer that the sky itself what filled her with such...happiness, but the distinct smell of  _ them _ still lingering on the air, the satisfied soreness of her body, the soft breath tickling her neck, the arm around her waist, the body at her back. _

_ She remembers now, she remembers his name. Loki. She remembers his laugh, and she remembers his green gaze on hers as they spent the night in a dusty inn, for some reason with her hands holding tightly to a book. _

_ And she remembers their time is up. _

_ So she stretched, a coy smile spreading over her lips at the soreness of her lower body, and turned to face him. He was still sleeping, his hair nearly on every direction, a few strands of it on his face, so she instinctively lifted a hand and tenderly brushed it aside. _

_ She felt Loki stir next to her, but her eyes were still on the strand she was putting in its place.  _

_ Taking a look at her -now awake, but still keeping his eyes closed as his hand brought her closer- husband, Sayeh let out a quiet giggle, that made his green eyes open and stare at her. _

“ _You have wavy hair.” She whispered, the image of the neat and collected Prince that had received her as her horse stopped near the doors of the Palace those months ago making this Loki, the one now in front of her, all the more genuine and, oddly enough, all the more loved by her._

_ She took pride in finding only she and a few others were deserving of seeing this side of him, the side of him that made a Prince -and one as proud as a Son of Odin- nuzzle her neck, and guide her to her back, resting his head over her heart and whining about not discussing hair or its variables this early in the morning.  _

_ Her laugh only grew, but she complied with his silent command and started running her hand trough his -wavy- hair, feeling him sigh and bring her a little closer. _

“ _We still have to rise at some point. I'm sure there's much to do. In fact, I was listening to one of your brother's tales last night, and I'm worried about this 'monster' he says he faced, and how it could be a...” She narrowed her eyes when she felt his too-even breath ghosting over her naked skin, and slapped his shoulder, startling him. “Don't fall asleep on me.”_

“ _'m not.” He mumbled back. She rolled her eyes, and considering she now had a very-much asleep Asgardian almost lying over her, decided to rest a while longer too._

_ They were bound to wake up at some point, though, and when she did, she felt alone and...cold. In fact, it seemed the whole room had lowered its temperature while she was sleeping. _

_ She sat up to see her husband sitting carefully in one of the chairs near the balcony, overlooking the Realm. His hair was once again combed back, his armor back on, and his mask carefully hiding him from her. _

_ He knew she was awake, because of course he knew, but did not turn. _

“ _I assume you are to return today.” He mused, feigning disinterest to anyone but her._

“ _I should.”_

_ He stood up, and walked to their door. Her heart kept screaming at him to look at her, but her mouth was to proud to let the words out. _

“ _Then you should better get dressed, dear, and have breakfast. Then you will go back to...” His sentence hung in the air between them, a silent plea for truth, but she lowered her eyes in shame and whispered the only answer it was safe to give:_

“ _My sister.”_

“ _Yes. Back to her.” He conceded, and left her alone in a much colder, and much more unfamiliar room, now that he wasn't there._

_ So she rose and dressed on a pale blue gown and had probably the most uncomfortable meal of her life, despite the Queen's attempts at making conversation with her. _

_ And now she was standing in this...golden room, waiting for the man with warm amber eyes to send her home. _

_ But before, she turned to her husband, a small smile on her face. _

“ _I suppose...Until I see you again?” She whispered, an apologetic smile on her lips._

_ He stared at her a few instants, and then brought his lips to hers, not in desperation, fierceness or nothing of the sort, but with heartbreaking gentleness, as if she were gone already, and this was nothing but an illusion, something to vanish at even the softest of touches. _

“ _Goodbye, love.” His voice broke her in two, and the shine in his green eyes almost brought her to her knees, but the pull was too strong, and before nothing, she was gone, this time permanently._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, listen I...is anyone still interested in this? 'Cause...I don't know, I'm not even sure if anyone still wants to read this, and I guess...doubt is kicking in. I'm sorry, I really am if I'm bothering you with my attempt-at-an-author insecurities, but just...let me know if you are still around, 'kay?  
> Anyways, thank you for reading, my darlings!  
> Love, Luce.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this is a bit of a shorter chapter, but I really wanted to post this.  
> And special thanks to anyone that took time to show their support during my bit of a insecurities meltdown on the last chapter.  
> Thank you, I hope you all enjoy reding this as much as I enjoyed writing this!  
> Love, Luce.

“I said goodbye because you were leaving, Sayeh!” He shouted back, and she was stunned at the intensity in his tone for a second, but she would be dead before showing weakness to...whoever this man was, who was certainly not the man she married. Loki continued, “You walked through the Palace like ghost, you were afraid to look at me! What was I supposed to think, huh? You did not want to be by my side, and you made it very clear. So I let you go.”

“Why?” She cried, “Why? You _let me go_ , Loki! You left _me_!” She pushed his armor-clad chest, her hands balled into fists, the torrent of emotions that had swept her up when Frigga decided to find her and tell her of her husband's death, and kept spinning her through the regaining of her memories, Loki's invasion of Earth and finally having been in his arms again only to find that things were not the same, and probably would never be; that torrent, that inescapable force that had forced her to push down emotion after emotion had finally stopped controlling her, and now for the first time since she left Asgard for the very first time, tears were burning in her eyes.

_Damn him and his way of making me vulnerable without even trying._

“Don't turn the blame on me, Sayeh. You were the one to leave.” He hissed, but she still heard that tone of denial in his voice, as if he were trying not to convince her, but himself.

Her blood boiled, and the Shadow within her begged for release. He hurt her, hurt _them_ , so she should hut him back. And, oh, _she knew how to_.

“But you were the one to give up. And I deserve an explanation,” She said, silver eyes locked on his, that, she noted, were a deeper shade of green than they were when she first found him. “Because the man I loved...”

“The man you claim to have loved is gone, Sayeh!” He interrupted, to which she shook her head.

“He is not.” She whispered back, a small smile playing on her lips, but his anger and desperation did not falter as he grabbed her by the wrist and brought her closer, inches between their faces.

“Isn't he? Do you still love him?” She noticed with barely contained horror how his grip on her became colder and colder, and how his eyes were not entirely Aesir anymore. She gasped, but did not move away, sure that her feelings would not falter once she saw him in his true form, and almost...eager to go trough this test of his.

So the young sorceress swallowed past the lump on her throat as she saw his skin turning the color of a frozen sea, the visible patch of the skin on his neck, hands and face traced by intricate lines that, were she dare to, she would find slightly ridged, like scars put there by fate itself.

She saw her husband change before her eyes. Slowly, but continuously, while keeping his now scarlet eyes on hers, searching her gaze, looking for his answer. She saw Loki vanish before her eyes and Jotün take his place.

_Sayeh dodged an ice spike, and turned to wink mockingly at the giant that threw it at her, while she called for the aid of her magic and rendered him to his knees in pain._

_She moved on to the two young ones that were meekly attempting to break her mother's barrier, and ended them with knives embedded in their throats. They fell, and she smiled._

_War sang to her. War was on her blood._

“ _You don't belong here, Outsider.” One of the Frost Giants hissed at her mother, who was still holding the barrier surrounding the Palace._

_Taking the creature's focus away from her mother, Sayeh walked slowly to him and his small remaining army, swaying her hips and stopping next to Sera Aren. Even as they claimed to be better than the Aesir, the leader's crimson eyes followed her legs from her boot-clad feet up to her exposed thigh._

“ _Laufey and House Aren have an agreement. I suggest you consider this before speaking.”_

“ _The agreement means nothing. It was given by a coward for a coward.” The man growled back, and Sayeh pretended to be hurt while she stalled their attack, expecting the All-Father's assistance -army- any time soon._

“ _I am deeply upset now, dear. You called my mother a coward, and, you see...” The Shadow looked down at her golden armor in feigned sadness, “I would hate to stain my armor with your filthy blood.”_

_The creature growled back, this time louder and in a frankly scaring way, and Sayeh had but a second to think 'Well, I fucked up' before the Giant swept his big hand across the air in front of him, sending a blast of spikes towards the girl, and pushing her a few feet back, forcing her to use the shadows to avoid falling over hard ice._

“ _Little-one!” Her mother hissed at her in reprimand. Sera had always said her daughter's biggest fault and most endearing characteristic was her fake bravado, but right then she cursed the impertinent girl for even opening her mouth when they were clearly outnumbered._

“ _I'm fine, Mother,” The Daughter of the Shadow smiled ferociously at the Jotunar in front of her. “Nothing burning them to the ground won't fix.”_

_The leader let out a roar, and leaped after the girl in gold, only to be blocked by her mother._

_His big hand wrapped itself around Sera Aren's throat, and turned her small body around, colliding her back with his naked chest and showing her cracking and darkening skin and regretful expression to her daughter one last time, before without as much as a twist of the Frost Giant's wrist, the sorceress fell to the ground, darkened skin around her now lifeless neck._

_The Asgardian soldiers, who had just arrived and were still a few miles away from House Aren's Palace, would talk for decades about the scream that was torn out of the girl's throat. A combination between animalistic and deeply understanding, between heartbroken and enraged, between a powerless girl who saw her mother killed and a Shadow who destroyed anything that came across her._

Sayeh did not feel the burn of his skin on hers, she was sure he was protecting her from it even then, but she still felt the cold, and she still saw the white teeth and the blue skin and the red eyes.

“Do you love him?” Loki continued, forcing her with his voice to look at him, to face him, “Do you love _me_? Can you?”

She kept seeing her mother's lifeless body, thrown aside like a rag-doll, hitting the floor with a loud thud. She kept hearing that....that beast's gravely voice in her head, ' _Run back home, outsider. The deal is over. We will make sure Laufey is aware of who won this battle for him, of who defeated Sera Aren.'_ She kept hearing his throaty laugh of victory as he saw her tear-stained cheeks grow hotter as the flames engulfed him and his soldiers with only a glare from the Daughter of the Shadow.

“No,” She whispered, and wrenched her hand from his grasp, shaking her head and feeling tears once again flood her eyes and stain her cheeks with weakness. Her big, terrified silver eyes found his unbelieving and pained green ones, and as her lip -her whole body- quivered, she spat, “No, no. Get away from me, _creature_!”

Her breath was out of control, and she could feel her shoulders rising but no air was reaching her. She was drowning, drowning, drowning. She looked down to see her nails turning into long, black claws, the veins under the pale skin if her hands darkening with the true form of the Daughter of the Shadow, and let out a whimper. She wasn't like this, she was Sera's daughter, not the Shadow's.

Sera. _Mother._

As if the cold that burned her mother's throat had been burning her as well, Sayeh clawed at her neck desperately, tears blinding her vision, and she heard a metallic clink as something light fell from her neck. She ignored it, because she was still burning, the ice was getting to her, did not let her breathe and she would fall, like her mother did, and her sister would follow and then...

Lok...-no, the  _Jotun_ took a step ahead, pale skin slowly overcoming the blue, but she kept shaking and, trying to get away from the memories -from him- stumbled and fell to the ground.

Rising a hand between them, she called for the Shadow, and reached for his nightmare, for his fear, and played it. She had made him see his worst nightmares before, albeit by accident, and she would do it again. He needed to get away, and she would _make him_.

But he did not falter, his green gaze did not leave hers.

_Oh, Gods._

The chaos in her mind seemed to reach an end as she realized what she had just done.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You do know what she realized, right? Please tell me what you think, I would love to hear anything from you!  
> Love, Luce.  
> Btw, Sayeh is sorry...(and so am I, for writing this).


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! Thank you for reading! I love all of you, each and every one of you that has given my story a chance, clicked the kudos button, or bothered with leaving a comment. You all make me really happy!!  
> Love, Luce

“ _Don’t use your fear to fuel it, little one, use your rage, your pain. Exorcise it from you, channel it to the crystals.” Sera advised, and the girl nodded, before lifting the weak shield made of ebony shards again. She threw another ice spike, and the shield shattered again._

“ _I…can’t.” The silver-eyed girl gasped, but her mother kept getting closer._

“ _You want the nightmares to stop, girl? Then become one! You want to keep your power, your_ nature _under control? Then show it that it can’t control you! You want to stop hurting? Then hurt the world back!” She yelled. Another spike. This time the black shield blocked it well. “The world has hated and tortured what you are ever since you first appeared on the realms; it is time to hurt it back. Hurt back, dear, hurt back and hurt before they hurt you.”_

“ _I don’t want to…h-hurt people.” But Sera kept swinging spells at her. A fireball, an ice spike, a lightning bolt._

_And though her voice was gentle, loving, that of a mother, her gaze was enraged as she advanced towards the little girl, “But people are going to hurt you anyways, little one. What are you going to do? What are you going to do when another kid tricks you into getting yourself into a maze? What are you going to do when the frightened and pathetic villagers corner you and attempt to set you on fire? What are you going to do when_ I can’t protect you anymore _?”_

“ _They will not get me. I will not believe them!”_

_But Sera ignored her daughter's attempt to stop the training, to be a child and forget there was a world out there ready to set her on fire at the slightest provocation._ They had tried to take her daughter from her _, they had tried to kill her, again. And all because she was more powerful than any of them would ever dream to be. All because they_ feared _her._

_And she was tired of fear ruling her daughter's life._

“ _You are letting the fear control you! You always do, girl. Forget who you are! Forget that the one that ends up hurting you its you at the end, because you_ fear _! Because you let them win!”_

_The little girl dropped her hands, and turned her head down, chin hitting her chest to hide a sob._

“ _I am sorry, Mama,” She hiccuped, little fingers tracing the faint scar on her inner forearm, where a dull blade had attempted to pierce and show if her blood was a s black as it seemed, “I am sorry they got me, I am sorry I was afraid.”_

_Sera shook her head to herself, and dropped her hands as well, approaching her daughter. She knelt in front of the child, taking her little hands in her own, rubbing gentle thumbs where the black of the girl's veins started to subside._

“ _That's the point, little dove. You are not supposed to_ be _afraid. Not of them, not of anyone. You know why?”_

“ _Because you will protect me?”_

“ _Because you can protect yourself.”_

Sayeh sighed, and run her hands through her hair for the thousandth time, pacing in the room one of the agents had assigned her.

She had let her fear control her, she had let past experiences mess with her head. She had done exactly what her mother had trained her not to do.

“Stop. You are thinking about Sera again, Sayeh.” The voice said, and though the black-haired girl was startled, she did not move to attack. Nour noticed, and with a raised eyebrow walked into the room, closing the door behind her.

“What are you doing here?”

“Making sure you don't end up insane,” Her sister answered, a small smile forming on her lips. “It is my job, after all, is it not?”

Sayeh smiled, stopping her pacing but lowering her head.

“ _Dear...” The woman with caramel hair said, trailing after the girl as she pretended to re-organize books in one of her shelves._

“ _No. I'm not listening. I'm not listening, lady, and you are not talking anymore.” She muttered, placing her hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture._

“ _Sayeh, please...”_

“ _No. Nu-uh. You don't know my name, because you don't know me,” The girl turned around, the woman in the long, golden gown still after her across the small library, “And you are either insane or I am. I prefer the latter, I think. Easier to explain, right? 'Are you married to a dead God?', they ask, 'Well, yeah,' I answer, 'Because that's the sort of thing to happen to the girl that talks to books!'” She stopped, and backtracked, “Actually, don't use that, because I actually talk to my books.”_

_Silver eyes widened, and an old book fell from her hand. She mumbled a curse under her breath and picked it up, only to then turn frantic eyes to the woman smiling sadly at her._

“ _Oh, Gods. I_ am _insane, aren't I? You are...I created you! And...and that...place. An...Aster...”_

“ _Asgard.”_

“ _No. No, it's not called that, because I_ know _Asgard is real. No! I mean, not_ real _real but...Oh Gods.”_

_Sayeh's sister peeked her head out from their office, staring at the woman in the gown before turning her eyes to her -obviously distressed- sister._

“ _Sayeh...?”_

“ _Nour, I am going insane.” The girl muttered, and tears started falling down her cheeks._

“ _You are not,” She stated, turning her gaze to the woman, and narrowing her eyes in a threat, “What is happening here?”_

“ _I merely wanted to...” The older woman choked on her words, but put on a big, kind -but fake- smile and continued smoothly, “to let Sayeh know of the past events.”_

_Then she turned around, left a folded letter on the counter, and left the shop._

_Nour knelt to her sister, placing a hand to her knee, which was now drawn to her chest as she hugged herself, small on the floor besides the bookshelf, “Sayeh,” She whispered but the big, tear-filled eyes of her sister were staring at nothing. Her urgency shone through her tone when she insisted, “Sister, please...”_

“ _Loki is dead.” The Daughter of the Shadow whispered, turning her gaze back to her sister in a pleading manner that she had not seen since they first faced each other. “Sister, please tell me I'm going insane.”_

Sayeh remained silent a few seconds, but then turned her gaze back to her sister, dressed in a black tactical-gear, and the connotations of her sister wearing something that meant she was ready for war did not go unnoticed by the black-haired sorceress.

“Still, why are you here?”

“I may or may have not followed your track, and I may or may have not harassed your husband until he told me where you were.”

“ _Why?”_ The other woman hissed, losing her patience quickly at her sister's antics. 

Nour's face hardened, “Because you need someone to talk to. Preferably, me, because I checked, and none of the remaining Gods around here are in any way fit to talk to you right now.

At her sister's silence, Nour took another step ahead and whispered:

“And you are not insane, by the way, or a monster. Just...stupid, and thoughtless,once in a while.”

“How do you know?” Sayeh's words were muffled by her hands, where her face rested now, hiding her from the world.

Nour shrugged, “I observe, sister, and I anticipate. I am not as foolish as you seem to believe.

Sayeh chose to ignore that, and remained silent. The blond girl took another step ahead.

“And I know you. And your mother.”

This prompted the Daughter of the Shadow to jump to her feet, blazing eyes seton her sister, but the anger directed at herself.

“This has nothing to do with my mother!” Sayeh ran a hand through her now messy hair, “This was my mistake, my failure.”

“When it comes to you, your mother has everything to do with it all, Sayeh.”

Sayeh noticed, oddly, that her sister had used, in a rare occurrence, her given name instead of a nick-name or simply 'Sister'. 

But she ignored this, and glared at the girl with blond smile and blue eyes and angelic features. She glared at the girl that was born merely minutes after her, and yet deserved to live more than she did, deserved to be loved by their true parents when she was not. She glared at the girl she could have been, had Destiny not decided to burden her with the Shadow.

“You did not meet her, Nour. You did not meet her because you were too worried growing up and being happy and living the life _I should have had_! You didn't meet her because while I was dodging arrows and training to survive, you were dancing and getting ready for balls!”

“That's the point!” Nour shouted back, not relenting in front f her sister's furious onslaught. “She trained you to 'survive' from everything! She was so afraid of the world that had hurt her hurting you that she taught you to fear it all!”

“She taught me to master my fear!”

“She taught you to be a slave to it. You would not be here now, Sayeh, were you free of your fears.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else talks to their books? 'Cause I do.  
> Love, Luce.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm still alive! I don't have a justification, but I have an explanation for my absence: Midterms, a lot of midterms and finally buying Mass Effect: Andromeda.  
> I'm really sorry guys, but I promise this time I'm here for good.   
> Anyways, hope you enjoy, and I would love to hear your thoughts!

_Sera was immersed in a theoretical use of healing magic to manipulate emotions or memories while her daughter lay on her back, black hair splayed under her in every direction, levitating a small ribbon and a steel paperweight with gestures of her hands._

“ _Will I have to leave soon?” Her daughter's voice brought her back, the owner still pretending to be interested in the items she kept playing with. For a woman nearly having come to adulthood, her little one still struggled with lies._

“ _I don't see why not, little-one.” Sera replied, calmly enough._

“ _You never gave me a name.” She mused, almost accused, back at her mother._

“ _I did not. You needn't one, love.”_

“ _I will have one. Someday,” She whispered, and her silver eyes swept over the walls of her mother's library, “I like this Palace better, though.”_

_Sera lowered her eyes, hiding the hurt. Even when her daughter was nearly out of her adolescence, she still, having been cursed by Destiny itself, was...prone to understand it better. And the conversation, ever since she started wearing green dresses and refusing to cut her hair because 'he told me my hair looks nice when it's down, mama', the conversation went back to the point when she would no longer be there. And it terrified her._

_But Sera cleared her throat and watched the figure of her daughter, spread on the ground playing with random clutter in the air. Her daughter would be impure to them, unfit to the court of Asgard, uncivilized and unwelcome._

“ _You can always come back.” Her mother whispered back, the big, dusty book falling closed on her lap. Silver eyes turned to her, a smile forming on her daughter's pale features._

“ _Can we?”_

No, little-one, don't let yourself need, don't let yourself be completed by someone else. Don't think for anyone but yourself. Don't try to save anyone but yourself,  _Sera wanted to scream, to beg at her daughter to remain here, safe, with her. But instead, the warrior hid her pain on a smile, and nodded again at the girl that was never hers to begin with._

“ _Of course, little-one._

_She stood up, leaving her daughter to her daydreams, but, ignoring the pang of guilt on the bottom of her stomach, and fighting Frigga's voice in her head, that, always calm and all-perceiving, seemed to tell her to let the world flow._

_But she was_ her _daughter, not the world's, not anyone else's._

_So she stopped, and without turning to the black-haired girl, in fear of letting her see the hurt in her eyes, Sera added,_

“ _Be always wary of the court, dear. No one is real, neither inside or outside of it,” And she sent her prayer of forgiveness to the Norns when she added, “Never have I trusted anyone but myself; not even who would have been your father, love, and look at where I am now._

_She heard the paperweight fall to the ground. She knew exactly what she was doing, but the sight of her daughter, shamed and small before the court, before_ its King _, made her continue, “Show weakness once, little-one, and you are theirs forever.”_

Nour had handled her departure from SHIELD's base of operations and was now staying with her sister. Still, the young Goddess had asked to be left alone, and considering her husband would not acknowledge her and her sister was slightly terrified of the manic glint in her eyes, she had been left with her own thoughts, and considering a way to...at least attempt to fix things, had remembered a conversation of hers with Frigga after Loki left her when she confessed her love for him.

_He is one to use words to deceive, Sayeh, so he doesn’t trust words. Neither his nor others’...You’re supposed to…show him, before he accepts it when you say it._

Still, she had settled for meditating for now, and clearing her mind and heart from the irrational...fear -Norns, she hated that word. She did not fear her own husband, for heaven's sake. She did not fear Loki, she could not- that had plagued her. And although she had not reached many conclusions, she did know that she had jumped from Shield's ship and into Loki's because even when she did not approve of what he was set to do, she would not leave him alone _now_.

That, she was sure of. And that in her heart she knew she still loved him, and his true nature would not -could not- change that. But, she was not prepared, and her past caught up with her before she set to running again. She _knew_ that, and she knew that what happened was but an accident, a mishap; but she also understood that in Loki's eyes her reaction had only proven what he already thought: that his parentage proved he was, in fact, a monster, a _creature_ , and that he would lose even her love -if he hadn't already, in his mind- because of it.

So, she settled for _meditating._ Yes, meditating. Letting out 'ohm's' and everything.

She was driving herself insane, really. But, last time she made a brash decision, she jumped from a falling ship and left her friends for dead, pressed her husband into showing her his true appearance and proceeded to call him a 'creature'; so she settled with deep breaths in and out for now.

So, as Sayeh hadn't talked to her husband in almost two days, she was startled when she heard a knock on her bedroom's door.

On the other side there was an agent, his eyes clear of Loki's control -funny how he went out of his way to surround her with people he hadn't  _forced_ to be on his side- as they faced hers with only a slight hint of fear.

“Yes?” She questioned, eyeing the man up and down.

“Our Lord,” Sayeh hid an eye-roll at that, “commands you to contact th...”

She interrupted him with a gesture of her hand, “He  _what_ ? And I would consider my words carefully if I were you, boy.”

“I...uhm...” His brown eyes were big as they stared at her. Funny, she hadn't done a thing since her arrival, and they were as terrified of her as they were of her husband. Probably because of the way he acted on the plane, or because she had been the only one to refer to him with another thing that his self-imposed title and not get speared through the heart. Nice.

“He _asks you politely_ , dear wife.” Loki corrected as he materialized on her doorway, nearly giving the poor agent a heart attack. Her husband rested one armor-clad shoulder on the threshold, arms crossed over his chest and a smirk on his lips. A challenge shone in his...blue eyes.

_I would have sworn they were more green before._

Sayeh cocked her head to the side, ignoring the agent that looked between the two of them like a deer caught in the headlights.

“And what dares my husband ask of me? Not very polite to request something for a lady after she has been left alone for days.”

His eyes narrowed, but he continued, with the teasing tone still marring his hypnotic voice, “You seemed to need...time for yourself, dear.”

Without taking her eyes from her husband, Sayeh motioned at the agent to leave, “ _I_ can decide what I need by myself, Loki. We have had that conversation before, so don't pretend to be caring for what I 'needed' when you wanted to run.”

“I did not run.” In his anger, he took a step ahead, towering above her. Sayeh crossed her arms over her breasts and looked up at the angular face of the man she loved.

But truly, how much of the man she had loved still resided inside the one in front of her? His eyes looked more betrayed than anticipating the betrayal, and, oddly enough, she would have rather go back to when he believed she would leave him than see now his certainty that she  _had_ . That she had broken his trust, that she had left him. That she had made him believe she loved him no longer. And she did not want to face that.

But, no one likes to be the villain, right?

Realization came upon her as she studied his sickeningly blue eyes. Her husband would not be the villain either, not without having a motive, he would not...he was not inherently evil, this she knew.

So what was he playing at? Portraying the demented God, the man hungry for power but she knew, it was not Midgard he desired.

So why, then?

“So tell your little Midgardian allies to stop looking for you like one who has misplaced a shoe. You are not coming back to them, so I suggest you let them know.” Loki continued, and her train of thought left her when Sayeh heard him.

“I'm sorry? 'I won't be leaving'?” She repeated, obviously teasing him, but she only earned an even more serious look from her husband. 

“Are you?” He shot back, and she hid a smile because although he said it in that confident -and borderline annoying- way of his, she could _hear_ the hesitance. He did care for her presence with him. She knew it.

“I am not. I am merely checking facts,” She mused, walking past him and walking through the hall that connected her room to the rest of the facility. “Another fact that I mean to check: Am I going to sleep with your little minions working as my lullaby for much longer? And what is it that you _really_ need from me? I assume it is something that Barton was able to do, and you expect I will. Because I know you do not care for Shield looking for me, dear.”

He eyed her warily, but still walked with her with a small smile playing on his lips.

“I would have sworn you were more...reticent to follow me before.” He said, gaze lingering on one of the agents that crossed their path and apologized using her given name. 

“I do not follow. And you don't want me to,” She replied, stopping on one of the main hallways and lifting an eyebrow at her husband in expectation. Loki sighed, rolling his eyes, but curved his arm and offered it to her. With a pleased smile, Sayeh placed her hand on his arm and continued her walk, “And about your...endeavor, I do disagree with what you are set to do, and I do care for this world, but...I care for you and your peace more, so if it's set for you to conquer, who else shall be at your side but me?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, thanks for sticking until the end! I hoped you enjoyed it, and I wait for your opinion in the comment section!  
> First multichapter fanfic that I'm posting, some of it is already written, and I will post weekly when possible!  
> All feedback is accepted and appreciated! Thanks, Luce.


End file.
